I am writing this with a brain that has been sleep deprived for a week now and I did not sleep a wink last night. I was just not able to function at work, not even the most basic of my job duties, and my psychiatrist wants me to take a couple days off while we try a new medication and to somehow get the rest I desperately need. I have a job and a boss that permits me to do just that, so I am home writing a blog entry that may not make any sense.
I have been trying to stay as positive as I can be which isn’t easy. What little sleep I get I have been saying thank you to God for, rather than complaining to him. It’s been a challenge to do so because I feel terrible. I don’t understand why this is a condition I live with that so adversely affects me.
I don’t understand much about suffering, in fact, I don’t understand it all. I know people personally who suffer so much more than I do with my bipolar disorder. As bad as I feel, I know there are millions more whose lives are so much more challenging than mine. They are suffering far worse and I don’t know why God permits it.
The bible records the questioning of Job, a man who suffered some of the worst anguish a person can experience and he started out like me, trying to honor God in the midst of his suffering. But he finally reached his breaking point and began questioning God, demanding an answer. I have read it multiple times and each time I come away with the feeling that God really doesn’t answer his question directly. But God does indeed answer.
The answer to Job’s questioning was a rebuke couched in a declaration of God’s greatness and sovereignty. Simply said, God is the Creator and Ruler of all things and what he chooses to permit is his divine right and we are not given insight into his thinking in the life we now live. Revelation will come when we see him face to face.
In the meantime, the way we are to cope with suffering is to reach out with love, compassion and practical help to those who suffer. Encouraging and aiding in any way that we can by the giving of our lives, our grace and our resources. It is not easy to be an encourager when you are the one suffering and sometimes we are called on to do just that. Other times we are the ones to receive.
While I don’t really understand suffering, I can trust God’s goodness. I can continue to offer up thanks for what he has given me. God does not overlook the suffering of his children and in time when we see him, we will receive what is precious beyond all understanding. What that is we do not know, but it is a sure promise. So let’s be about the ministry of God and trust him to sort it all out in the end. God is good all the time.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Blessings in Abundance
Today is my birthday and it’s all I could ask for: a beautiful day of sunshine and perfect temperature. I just came home from shopping and updated my wardrobe which was sorely needed. My husband chauffeured me around and we will go to my favorite Mexican restaurant for dinner. I couldn’t ask for a better day.
As I write this I realize how very blessed I truly am. I have been thanking God all day in my heart for another year of life, and one that I can look back on and feel pretty good about. But I also need to thank him for the very fact that I was able to go shopping and spend the money I did. I am blessed with a job when many others are not. I am blessed with a house when there are literally at least a million people or more who are living either in tents or out in the elements because of natural disaster or war.
I am blessed with clean water to shower in, let alone drink, when so many have to haul water daily and it’s not even clean, so illnesses that are preventable are rampant. I am blessed with a healthy body when so many live with illness and conditions which incapacitate. I did nothing to be blessed like I am. It has been given to me.
I ask myself why? Why me? All that comes to mind is the scripture verse that says to whom much is given, much is expected in return. All that I have was not given to me just to enjoy myself. God has given me what he has and expects me to give in return. I confess I have not done as much as I ought. There are many ways I could be volunteering, but I haven’t done much in that regard. There are needs in the community where I live. I do write checks for causes, but I could do without some of the things I enjoy in order to give more. I pray, but I could spend much more time in prayer for the needs of others.
God has blessed many people in this world, and some give generously in numerous ways, and some hoard it for themselves. In the end, there will be an accounting. It will be based on to whom much is given, much will be expected. I don’t want to hang my head in shame for all the ways I could have given but did not. If God grants me another year, I plan to spend it differently than in the past. God willing, the blessings he has bestowed on me will not be squandered, but spent wisely, pleasing him and helping others.
As I write this I realize how very blessed I truly am. I have been thanking God all day in my heart for another year of life, and one that I can look back on and feel pretty good about. But I also need to thank him for the very fact that I was able to go shopping and spend the money I did. I am blessed with a job when many others are not. I am blessed with a house when there are literally at least a million people or more who are living either in tents or out in the elements because of natural disaster or war.
I am blessed with clean water to shower in, let alone drink, when so many have to haul water daily and it’s not even clean, so illnesses that are preventable are rampant. I am blessed with a healthy body when so many live with illness and conditions which incapacitate. I did nothing to be blessed like I am. It has been given to me.
I ask myself why? Why me? All that comes to mind is the scripture verse that says to whom much is given, much is expected in return. All that I have was not given to me just to enjoy myself. God has given me what he has and expects me to give in return. I confess I have not done as much as I ought. There are many ways I could be volunteering, but I haven’t done much in that regard. There are needs in the community where I live. I do write checks for causes, but I could do without some of the things I enjoy in order to give more. I pray, but I could spend much more time in prayer for the needs of others.
God has blessed many people in this world, and some give generously in numerous ways, and some hoard it for themselves. In the end, there will be an accounting. It will be based on to whom much is given, much will be expected. I don’t want to hang my head in shame for all the ways I could have given but did not. If God grants me another year, I plan to spend it differently than in the past. God willing, the blessings he has bestowed on me will not be squandered, but spent wisely, pleasing him and helping others.
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