New Beginnings

Today, the Lord and I had a conversation at church, my first Sunday not playing with the praise team. I cried through the music. Couldn't sing a word. It was painful. I'd glance up at the music stand I had sat at and just cry. Something was being taken away,  and even though I was willing for it to happen, it hurt.

Yet, today something else happened. I answered God's call to take back the mantle of being an active elder in the church. It requires the same commitment I gave to help lead worship. As I answered the required questions about my faith and commitment I felt earnest, yet not overwhelmed. But when the time came for other elders to lay hands on me and pray, I felt a burden lift. By the end of the service I was smiling. There is a weight of responsibility in being an elder  actively serving, but I didn't feel that. I distinctly felt a burden lifted. I was at a fork in the road, and made the decision to walk the path leading in a different direction.

My Pastor's sermon was about new beginnings, the dawning of God's light illuminating a new thing. I felt it was for me. God talking to me as though I was the only one there. Then we had communion, and nothing so moves me as that. I cannot take communion without tears. It's a visible manifestation of God's grace poured out fresh. I get very real with the Lord with communion. Maybe it's my Lutheran roots, but I take communion very seriously. It's not just a symbol, a reenactment. I meet God practically face-to-face in the bread and cup. My soul is laid bare and I can only pray for mercy. It always comes. God has never passed me by. In remembering his death, I experience the depth of his love all over again.

This blog entry is a little disjointed, I think, but a lot happened in the service. I'm being called to a new thing and God will give me all the grace I need to do what he wants. Just as he has down through the past nearly forty years of playing guitar in worship for churches.  I know I can always sit in with the praise team. Another guitar player may show up and that would be awesome, but they'd still welcome me to play on a Sunday. But I know there has been an internal shift. My focus is being redirected and I will embrace what God has planned and be open. And part of that is the desire to write even more.

So, as I just toss these thoughts down on digital paper, I'm looking at the guitar I have played for the past forty plus years and understand my way of serving is changing and arthritic fingers can manage to type easier than play steel strings. God never ceases to amaze me, and he always will.

Count Your Blessings

It's the first day of 2019 and it a dreary, overcast cold blustery day. I woke up in pain as usual and found all we had was decaf coffee. I was counting down to the moment my headache was going to kick in. But something shifted and I drank the decaf while reading about a positive challenge. Set a timer for fifteen minutes and write down all the blessings you can think of from 2018 in that time frame. Sounded like a good writing exercise, but more than that, a perfect way to start 2019. If I received blessings in 2018, chances are really high I will receive them in 2019. Some might be the same, But there is hope for a surprise or two.

So what was my blessings list? I will insert the fact that I m a two finger typist. At 40-60 words a minute, I would have recorded more, for I just opened my mind and kind of went stream of consciousness. I was still typing when the timer went off.

1. My husband 

2. My beautiful son 

3. Clean drinking water anytime I want it. 

4. Family 

5. A job 

6. A house that's paid for.

7. A working car, soon to be paid for 

8. Loving friends 

9. Modern medicine 

10. A church home. 

11. A great pastor 

12. Shoes to keep my feet warm and dry 

13. Decent clothes 

14. Supermarkets with an abundance of all kinds of foods 

15. Bug-free house 

16. My dog, Zed 

17. My cat, Wild Thing 

18. A smartphone 

19. A new laptop 

20. My first published book. 

21. My guitar 

22. Health 

23. Living in a democracy 

24. Jesus. should have been number one. 

25. People who have prayed for me. 

26. Freedom of speech 

27. Being able to help others in accordance with how God has blessed us. 

28. Flowers 

29. Nature's beauty 

30. The Christian heritage my parents left me. 

31. Not having to worry where my next meal is coming from. 

32. Imagination and creativity 

33. No hospitalizations this past year 

34. Having had second chances 

35. The surprise visit from my son on my birthday. It was a BIG blessing. 

That's what came to my mind in fifteen minutes. 2018 had a few bad moments, but gratitude for the past year's blessings outweighs all the down time. What about you? It seems like a good way to begin a new year.