Death and Resurrection

As I write this, I am in flight on my way to Florida for my son’s graduation from Explosive Ordnance Disposal School. He now knows all there is to know about disarming bombs and blowing up IEDs. We don’t know much about what he does because it is top secret.  To say we are proud of him is insufficient. We have been blessed to have had him in our lives. It’s like God just dropped him into our hands and commanded us to protect, love unconditionally, and to raise him in the faith. We have done our best to do those things.

My son is so precious to me. I would lay down my life for him if it ever came to that. Mothers love their children with a passion unlike any other, at least most mothers do. Fathers love their children, too, doing all they can humanly do to protect them. God intended for families to bond with a love and strength that is a reflection of his love for his people. Like a father and a mother, he graciously and carefully protects us from the evil one. And his love is more fierce and unshakable than any human parent’s.

My son has chosen a path wrought with dangers. I pray every day he will be kept from all harm. But he is a man, not a child and my influence has waned. He must make his own decisions and it is my fervent hope that his upbringing will always be with him.

The Father of all believers took another way. Instead of being overly protective of his child, instead of being fearful, he sent his Son into the world to be a living sacrifice on behalf all sinners. ALL sinners, regardless of how far down they have sunk. The drunk in the gutter to the drunk in the penthouse. The prostitute and the philandering husband. The murderer and the drug addict. They all can be saved, because when God’s grace mingles with our faith, we gain eternal life; all because of the sacrifice on the terrible cross of his Son, Jesus Christ, the Lord.

Believing in his death and resurrection, promises the same will happen to us. Our hope is of  leaving this fallen world and resurrecting in the newness of eternity. Dying as the Lord did to this life, this world, the sting of death is removed for us, but add to that truth is the new body awaiting us; a body for eternity all because he loves us with an undying passion. His love goes way beyond the kind of often conditional love we offer as demonstrated by the soaring divorce rate, infanticide, and war between nations.

 God’s love is described in I Corinthians chapter 13. It’s our benchmark. We stumble and fail many times to love as God loves. It’s his gracious and undying love for us that makes us not thrown in the towel. Yes, it is true that some do give up, but God’s enduring faithfulness doesn't boot us out of the “program”. He pours out grace to those who have given up trying. If we are sentient and breathing, chances to grown in love abounds. He desires all his children to grow up and live as mature Christians in every facet of their lives.

Why He doesn't give up on us is due to the love we read in scripture:  “We love because he first loved us." When my son was born, I didn't think I could love so intensely. It was a deeper love than I ever had. And I shed many tears due to pain and fear, but sheer joy was mixed in to make my time with my son worth everything. For most of his life he wanted to be a soldier. His dream of getting into West Point came true. It’s like he knew he was destined for something, but it wasn't until later in college that he decided for Ordnance. A choice fraught with danger, yet there really wasn't anything I could say. I let go of my boy and now he is a man. My job now is to encourage and take pride in the man he has become. I pray desperately that his life spared, that he not be maimed in any way, emotionally or physically.

When God sent his Son, the clear understanding was he would be turned over to us to do what we would, and eventually it led to his death. When I sent my son into the military, I was not too keen to hand him over to those who could lead him to the ultimate sacrifice. God’s plan for Jesus’ death would lead to the greatest victory of all time; the destruction of sin and death. Wars in this world are often fuzzy with soldiers asking why they are being put in harm’s way. But Jesus didn't question God’s plan. Yes, he asked that if there were another way to accomplish the plan then perhaps he could bypass the cross. But there wasn't and his loyalty and love for the Father led to the ultimate sacrifice, yet his death brought life and light into the world. And while the body he had, just like ours, was dead, three days later he rose from the dead with a new body, unlike the one he was born with.

His sacrifice was the greatest ever paid. Billions upon billions are in God’s presence even now, praising his unconditional love, his matchless grace, and his stunningly secure faithfulness. Those of us now would do well to read the scripture stories of the fathers of faith, to see how their weak faith could be, their sins galore, and how disloyal they were sometimes. In doing so, you will find much of yourself there. But you will also see how they became giants of faith and how nations rose and fell based on faith, love, and hope in God’s mercy and grace.

My precious son is unlikely to change the world. He is not Jesus, but the line of work he has chosen will save lives. And maybe one of those saved will have an epiphany moment, a crisis of faith turning into the recognition that God exists, God loves and just maybe they will pray and be given answers, from the Father who seeks those who will believe when they get touched by his grace.

                                    

Sobering Thoughts

Last night I had an unpleasant dream, a drinking dream. I have had them before, but it’s been some time since I last had one. It is not uncommon for alcoholics to experience such dreams after sobering up, but I think it’s especially troublesome for those in Alcoholics Anonymous because of the accountability. On March 26, I will celebrate 30 years of continuous sobriety, something completely incomprehensible when I first went to AA meetings. I couldn’t imagine going that long. On my first anniversary I thought I had done pretty well, but still, I couldn’t imagine how I would make it the rest of my life.

Drinking dreams are an expression of anxiety over stumbling back into active alcoholism. They can also signal a warning of self-sabotage. This year feels very significant. Thirty years IS a long time and the thought of drinking again and losing all the ground I have gained is fearsome. I don’t crave alcohol, but the fear of stumbling before my anniversary is palpable. In my dream, I knew I had blown it and there was no hiding it. I knew people would know.

In my sobriety I recognize how much I stand to lose if I should ever drink again. And I know it would be nearly impossible to face people who have known me over the long haul. Worst of all, I feel I would be letting everyone down, including God, whose grace has kept me from stumbling thus far. Like King David, I know from where my hope and strength comes, and I know without God in my life, I would be hopelessly drowning in drink.

The 12 steps of AA are a means of restoring a lost relationship that isn’t even recognized. God reaches out to the hopeless alcoholic and makes known the truth of the pitiable condition the drunk is in. The truth of scripture is shown in that faith and hope are gifts of grace for the alcoholic. Indeed, grace brings awareness of the need for strength and willingness to even want to try to get sober. The last few months of my active alcoholism were a nightmare. The whole of my drinking years came down to the thought that I had to find a way to stop drinking or simply end my wrecked life.

Then the miracle occurred. Awakening the morning of March 26, 1984, my first thought was, “I don’t want to live like this anymore. Today I will not drink." That thought was not my own, it was planted in me by the Holy Spirit. It was active grace at work within me. Before my eyes ever saw the light of day, God planned my rescue. I was led to AA where I found help and hope, and returned to the Christian God of my childhood. He had never let go. I just took him places he didn't want me to go, but he never let go of my hand.

I owe all to the Lord. He knew me before I was born and my life is his masterpiece, just as is true for every believer. God’s grace is not magical. It is grounded in the reality of this life and the next. For 30 years he has kept me from stumbling. His gift of sobriety has put my feet on a well-lighted and even path. As I have said on many occasions, I would not trade my worst day now for the best of the life I once knew.

For the past thirty years I have tried to live one day at a time. There have been times I have glanced backward and all I gained in doing so was shame and regret. And projecting into the unknown future only brings fear and anxiety. But this I do know, the ultimate end of my life in the present world will usher me into an eternity of freedom from the fear of failure. Jesus has guaranteed it. 

For now, I am grateful for the life God has granted me. To the extent I am able to hold his grace within me, I will continue to live sober. The wounds that have fractured me are not a hindrance to God. They are the means of sharing his grace with others. And that I will do for the allotted time I have left.

I love because he first loved me. God condescended to humanity and willingly gave his Son for our redemption. I will revel in the freedom he has made possible by breaking the chains that once bound me to a worthless existence. And I will ever praise him for my sobriety.