It’s Christmas Eve and the tree is trimmed with presents underneath. No last minute shopping for me. I planned well this year. Everything is ready for Christmas morning. But there is a nagging thought that something may have been left undone, something very important.
It occurs to me that maybe I haven’t prepared my heart enough for the coming of the Christ child. Yes, I’ve gone to church through Advent, but have I done anything else to prepare for this celebration and day of awe? I’m not sure I have. I haven’t spent extra time in reading the scriptures or prayer. I haven’t meditated on the amazing gift of God to humankind. In short, I haven’t done things I should have and I feel it keenly now that the day is almost here. I won’t make that same mistake at Easter, my most moving holy day.
God’s grace is such that my failure is not the end of the world. I will receive his grace and will honor the day as it ought to be. We have a family tradition that started when my son was old enough to sit still long enough. My husband always reads the story of the birth of Jesus from the Gospel of Luke before we open presents. Even now that my son is a grown man, he will do it. I hope this is a tradition he will carry on with his family when he has one.
Preparation for Christmas is so much more than decorating and buying gifts. It’s a time of contemplation of what God did when He sent His Son into the world. It’s meditating on the willingness of Jesus to strip Himself of all His privileges and divinity in order to become as one of us, to experience what we do in this life. To be born in the rudest of conditions, seemingly not fit for a king. But it is because of his humble start in life that makes His exaltation just that more great and marvelous.
It’s really not too late for me to ponder those things before the day we celebrate as his birthday. Perhaps I should have been preparing longer, but the God of mercy and grace will accept my sacrifice through the shortened preparation of my heart just the same.
May you have a blessed Christmas tomorrow, remembering with joy the entrance of our Savior into the world into order that all might be saved. Along with the angels, I say hallelujah!
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Proclaiming God's Goodness
I will thank you forever because of what you have done. In the presence of the faithful I will proclaim your name, for it is good. Psalm 52:9.
Twenty-eight years ago at this time, I was a raging alcoholic and drug abuser. I found nothing to be thankful for except the next drink or high. I avoided family gatherings because to have to go without a drink that long was too hard. My life had spiraled out of control and I was dead inside. My life revolved around alcohol and drugs and by that point, partying no longer mattered. I drank and got high alone at home daily if there was nowhere to go. I was hopelessly addicted.
Twenty-eight years ago and before, I had a gone through a string of broken relationships and a long term abusive one. I had attempted suicide twice and spent three weeks in a mental ward in a hospital. I was a cutter and have a bad scar on one of my arms that required stitches. I was filled with self-loathing and had little love for others. I was both a user and used.
But twenty-seven years ago God in his amazing miraculous way suddenly intervened in my life. I was the woman caught in adultery, the tax collector, the demon possessed man rolled into one and one day Jesus walked into my life and asked if I want to be made whole. No, I didn’t see him, and I didn’t hear his voice, but feeling suicidal again, the words, “I don’t want to drink anymore, today I will not drink” greeted me first thing the morning of March 26, 1984. I didn’t know where the thought came from, but I didn’t drink that day. I know now the thought was from the Holy Spirit.
By the next day I had the shakes badly and knew I needed help and found an AA group. It was there that I rediscovered God. Among a group of recovering alcoholics, some pretty worldly, I found they all claimed a Higher Power was keeping them sober. The only God I knew of was the Christian God I had been raised with, so in both terror and abject humility I breathed a prayer that if Jesus would have me I wanted to come back. In that instant, my life was utterly changed and changed forever.
What God did for me was nothing short of miraculous. With his grace I have remained sober and drug free for twenty-seven years and have had a lasting relationship of twenty-four years with my husband, a beautiful son and a successful career. Looking back to where I was before Jesus reached into my heart and began the slow process of transformation, I can only be overwhelmed with gratitude and amazement.
I doubt that I would be alive today if God had not claimed me when he did. I do not understand why he chose me, why he would want such a broken and debased person, but I will rejoice over it and not take lightly his marvelous grace toward me. This Thanksgiving, I am reminded once again that I have much to be grateful for, many blessings to acknowledge and I am doing so as I write this. I pray that all who read this will find at least one thing for which they can thank and praise God.
My church closes every Sunday service by saying, “God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.” This Thanksgiving Day, let that be your response to the Lord. He is indeed good to us all the time.
Twenty-eight years ago at this time, I was a raging alcoholic and drug abuser. I found nothing to be thankful for except the next drink or high. I avoided family gatherings because to have to go without a drink that long was too hard. My life had spiraled out of control and I was dead inside. My life revolved around alcohol and drugs and by that point, partying no longer mattered. I drank and got high alone at home daily if there was nowhere to go. I was hopelessly addicted.
Twenty-eight years ago and before, I had a gone through a string of broken relationships and a long term abusive one. I had attempted suicide twice and spent three weeks in a mental ward in a hospital. I was a cutter and have a bad scar on one of my arms that required stitches. I was filled with self-loathing and had little love for others. I was both a user and used.
But twenty-seven years ago God in his amazing miraculous way suddenly intervened in my life. I was the woman caught in adultery, the tax collector, the demon possessed man rolled into one and one day Jesus walked into my life and asked if I want to be made whole. No, I didn’t see him, and I didn’t hear his voice, but feeling suicidal again, the words, “I don’t want to drink anymore, today I will not drink” greeted me first thing the morning of March 26, 1984. I didn’t know where the thought came from, but I didn’t drink that day. I know now the thought was from the Holy Spirit.
By the next day I had the shakes badly and knew I needed help and found an AA group. It was there that I rediscovered God. Among a group of recovering alcoholics, some pretty worldly, I found they all claimed a Higher Power was keeping them sober. The only God I knew of was the Christian God I had been raised with, so in both terror and abject humility I breathed a prayer that if Jesus would have me I wanted to come back. In that instant, my life was utterly changed and changed forever.
What God did for me was nothing short of miraculous. With his grace I have remained sober and drug free for twenty-seven years and have had a lasting relationship of twenty-four years with my husband, a beautiful son and a successful career. Looking back to where I was before Jesus reached into my heart and began the slow process of transformation, I can only be overwhelmed with gratitude and amazement.
I doubt that I would be alive today if God had not claimed me when he did. I do not understand why he chose me, why he would want such a broken and debased person, but I will rejoice over it and not take lightly his marvelous grace toward me. This Thanksgiving, I am reminded once again that I have much to be grateful for, many blessings to acknowledge and I am doing so as I write this. I pray that all who read this will find at least one thing for which they can thank and praise God.
My church closes every Sunday service by saying, “God is good all the time, and all the time God is good.” This Thanksgiving Day, let that be your response to the Lord. He is indeed good to us all the time.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Faith in Prayer
Three hours of sleep. That is all I have had tonight. I will have to go the next twenty hours on that that amount of rest. And who know how much sleep I will get tomorrow night. I pray more, but I honestly don’t have a lot of hope. I have been praying for years for relief from the chronic insomnia that robs me of energy, alert cognitive abilities, and emotional stability.
I say I have no hope, and yet, I love God, my Savior and Redeemer. I will not be ungrateful for the sleep I am granted. In fact, every morning I make a point of thanking the Lord for the sleep he has given me, however little it may have been. Maybe it’s the hope of ever having my prayer answered with a yes for sleeping a full night’s sleep routinely that I have lost. I still pray, but it is without real faith anymore because I have simply given up. It’s gone on too long and I have grown weary of asking for something that it seems God is not going to grant.
But scripture has something to say about that attitude, something that I need to hear once again and take to heart. Perhaps there are others reading this who also given up hope of ever getting an answer to prayer. God has a word for us:
Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart, saying, “In a certain city there was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect man. There was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, ‘Give me legal protection from my opponent. For a while he was unwilling; but afterward he said to himself, ‘Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, otherwise by continually coming she will [wear me out.’” And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge said; now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:1-8 NASB)
Jesus knows the frailties of the human condition and the tendency we have to lose heart when answers do not readily come. That’s why he spoke that parable to the disciples, to encourage them to not flag in hope and faith in God’s timing. There is a promise within his words that prayer will be answered at some point and it’s our job to keep praying with genuine faith in his reliability and faithfulness to keep his word. So, the ball is in my court. It’s up to me now to allow the Holy Spirit to rekindle the hope within my heart through the hearing of the Word, because that is what it takes to move us from faithless to faith-filled. I’m willing. I am tired of living without hope. It’s time to begin to “cry to him day and night” once again. I want him to find faith in me when he returns.
I say I have no hope, and yet, I love God, my Savior and Redeemer. I will not be ungrateful for the sleep I am granted. In fact, every morning I make a point of thanking the Lord for the sleep he has given me, however little it may have been. Maybe it’s the hope of ever having my prayer answered with a yes for sleeping a full night’s sleep routinely that I have lost. I still pray, but it is without real faith anymore because I have simply given up. It’s gone on too long and I have grown weary of asking for something that it seems God is not going to grant.
But scripture has something to say about that attitude, something that I need to hear once again and take to heart. Perhaps there are others reading this who also given up hope of ever getting an answer to prayer. God has a word for us:
Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart, saying, “In a certain city there was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect man. There was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, ‘Give me legal protection from my opponent. For a while he was unwilling; but afterward he said to himself, ‘Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, otherwise by continually coming she will [wear me out.’” And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge said; now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will He find faith on the earth?” (Luke 18:1-8 NASB)
Jesus knows the frailties of the human condition and the tendency we have to lose heart when answers do not readily come. That’s why he spoke that parable to the disciples, to encourage them to not flag in hope and faith in God’s timing. There is a promise within his words that prayer will be answered at some point and it’s our job to keep praying with genuine faith in his reliability and faithfulness to keep his word. So, the ball is in my court. It’s up to me now to allow the Holy Spirit to rekindle the hope within my heart through the hearing of the Word, because that is what it takes to move us from faithless to faith-filled. I’m willing. I am tired of living without hope. It’s time to begin to “cry to him day and night” once again. I want him to find faith in me when he returns.
Friday, July 22, 2011
My Days are Numbered
I am fighting tears as I write this. Yesterday a young man died at a training camp run by the military academy my son attends. He was only eighteen. Only a week past, a young woman in her twenties who had attended my church died unexpectedly as well. Both deaths were doubly tragic because of the youth of the people who died.
That death is a part of the human experience is a given, but when it touches us in abrupt ways, it somehow seems a more terrible burden of grief to bear. Parents expect to outlive their children, not bury them. My heart goes out to the grieving parents of these two young people while at the same time trembles with a measure of fear that perhaps I, too, could face the same agony if my son were to ever give the ultimate sacrifice for his country.
People have to face the reality of death whether or not they want to. God has allotted to all a certain number of days on this earth and then we are called to an afterlife, regardless of what we believe. Death, especially when it takes the young and vibrant, seems to make life meaningless at first glance. All our dreams and efforts are for naught when death takes us away from all we have known and loved.
But for Christians death is cast in a different light altogether. Scripture says we do not grieve as the world without hope grieves. Because Jesus died and rose again, we have hope, too, of a resurrection and a new life that will no longer include death and tears: just as was written, “O death where is your sting?” We have sorrow and suffering now at times, but the God of all grace, peace and love comforts us with the hope of spending eternity in his presence and in joyful union with loved ones who have gone on before us.
Lives cut short are not in vain. I don’t have the answer as to why God calls some home so soon, but his ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts. For the time they were here, those two who died left their mark on the lives of those around them. Their light shone for but a brief moment, but it was bright. I think it’s time for me to stop and take a hard look at how bright my light is shining. To remember I don’t know when I will face death. As David said, Lord, teach me to number my days.
That death is a part of the human experience is a given, but when it touches us in abrupt ways, it somehow seems a more terrible burden of grief to bear. Parents expect to outlive their children, not bury them. My heart goes out to the grieving parents of these two young people while at the same time trembles with a measure of fear that perhaps I, too, could face the same agony if my son were to ever give the ultimate sacrifice for his country.
People have to face the reality of death whether or not they want to. God has allotted to all a certain number of days on this earth and then we are called to an afterlife, regardless of what we believe. Death, especially when it takes the young and vibrant, seems to make life meaningless at first glance. All our dreams and efforts are for naught when death takes us away from all we have known and loved.
But for Christians death is cast in a different light altogether. Scripture says we do not grieve as the world without hope grieves. Because Jesus died and rose again, we have hope, too, of a resurrection and a new life that will no longer include death and tears: just as was written, “O death where is your sting?” We have sorrow and suffering now at times, but the God of all grace, peace and love comforts us with the hope of spending eternity in his presence and in joyful union with loved ones who have gone on before us.
Lives cut short are not in vain. I don’t have the answer as to why God calls some home so soon, but his ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts. For the time they were here, those two who died left their mark on the lives of those around them. Their light shone for but a brief moment, but it was bright. I think it’s time for me to stop and take a hard look at how bright my light is shining. To remember I don’t know when I will face death. As David said, Lord, teach me to number my days.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Waiting for God
I have not kept up with this blog and I have been remiss about it. It’s not that I am too busy or no longer interested in blogging. It’s because I have been suffering from the lack of sleep for sometime now and it has affected my cognitive abilities. In other words, I have had a hard time thinking and trying to put any words together in writing, but I need to try and trying I am.
I have been locked in a battle with my insurance company over trying to get a prescription filled that will help me sleep. It has been weeks and it seems I am making little headway. I am fighting for something I need and it’s been hard going.
Our spiritual life can feel like that at times. I sometimes feel as though I am battling God for things I need. The answers to prayer for urgent needs are not forthcoming and it can be baffling and frustrating. But it isn’t that God is uncaring about my plight. Scripture says He is mindful of us and hears our pleas. When the Israelites cried out in their bondage, God heard and took care of their need, but He did not answer immediately. They had to wait four hundred years for the day of freedom, and that begs the question, “why”?
I don’t think there is one answer to that question. God is inscrutable and His ways and thoughts are not like ours. What I do know is that He seeks for us to trust and be patient, to believe He hears, cares and will answer in due time. In the parable of the woman who daily sought redress from the judge for her need, Jesus taught us to pray and keep praying, because our Father hears and will give us what we need when the time is right.
I don’t pretend to fully understand the answer to this dilemma, but I do know that I have a loving Father who knows I am struggling. He is very aware and will give me what I need at the right time. Until then, I need to be patient and grateful for the grace He extends to help me during the wait. He will come through for me, of this I am certain. It is His very character that is the assurance that He loves and cares for us in our times of need. The answer is coming. I just need to keep the faith.
I have been locked in a battle with my insurance company over trying to get a prescription filled that will help me sleep. It has been weeks and it seems I am making little headway. I am fighting for something I need and it’s been hard going.
Our spiritual life can feel like that at times. I sometimes feel as though I am battling God for things I need. The answers to prayer for urgent needs are not forthcoming and it can be baffling and frustrating. But it isn’t that God is uncaring about my plight. Scripture says He is mindful of us and hears our pleas. When the Israelites cried out in their bondage, God heard and took care of their need, but He did not answer immediately. They had to wait four hundred years for the day of freedom, and that begs the question, “why”?
I don’t think there is one answer to that question. God is inscrutable and His ways and thoughts are not like ours. What I do know is that He seeks for us to trust and be patient, to believe He hears, cares and will answer in due time. In the parable of the woman who daily sought redress from the judge for her need, Jesus taught us to pray and keep praying, because our Father hears and will give us what we need when the time is right.
I don’t pretend to fully understand the answer to this dilemma, but I do know that I have a loving Father who knows I am struggling. He is very aware and will give me what I need at the right time. Until then, I need to be patient and grateful for the grace He extends to help me during the wait. He will come through for me, of this I am certain. It is His very character that is the assurance that He loves and cares for us in our times of need. The answer is coming. I just need to keep the faith.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
When Winter Hurts
It is the bleak mid-winter as a very old song goes. The time when everything lies in a deep freeze and the sun often is often hidden from our view. It’s a time when some people fall into deep depression and are sometimes even suicidal. It’s for those I want to speak. They need a voice because it’s easy to just tell them to buck up: “this too shall pass”.
I would venture to say that many of those who are depressed are struggling to keep it hidden. Their words are “okay” when asked how they are doing, but their actions deny it. And there are those who cannot function at all, their condition being too severe. For those who are depressed, words like : “this too shall pass” or something similar provide no help or comfort at all. In fact, they hurt. They are dismissive and for many simply untrue without medical intervention. Depression is a terrible state of mind and can lead to serious consequences.
For those who are depressed and need encouragement and hope, just letting them you are aware they are feeling down and that you care about them is one way of giving support. Ask them if there is anything you can do for them, and if you know them well, ask if they have considered seeing a doctor because that is really what they need to do. Yes, winter will go away, and there are those who will get better and no longer need medication, but depression is a serious illness that needs attention.
Telling someone that depression will just pass is like playing with fire. You don’t know if it will cause a larger fire to take hold and burn something greater. So with depression, you don’t know if it could lead to suicidal ideation and someone actually taking their life. Don’t take it that to mean every case of depression will lead to that because those are the minority. But don’t dismiss those who are suffering with depression. They are in pain.
For those of the faith, encourage them to stay connected with their brothers and sisters, encourage them to continue to go to church. Encourage them to keep reading the bible and praying. And above all, be their friend. Be willing to be there and spend time with them. They need to know that people love them even when they are down. They may choose to isolate, but be there when they do reach out.
How do I know all this? Because I have been there, I have experienced the pain of depression. I spent months in a place of deep despair before getting the help I needed. I wish I had gone sooner. I simply could not take anymore and was feeling suicidal. Those dark days are over thanks to medication. So, remember in prayer those in your life who may have depression and reach out to them with words of compassion. Let them know you care and understand they hurt. God knows and has compassion beyond ours. Follow him and let him guide you as you offer help and hope to those who struggle.
I would venture to say that many of those who are depressed are struggling to keep it hidden. Their words are “okay” when asked how they are doing, but their actions deny it. And there are those who cannot function at all, their condition being too severe. For those who are depressed, words like : “this too shall pass” or something similar provide no help or comfort at all. In fact, they hurt. They are dismissive and for many simply untrue without medical intervention. Depression is a terrible state of mind and can lead to serious consequences.
For those who are depressed and need encouragement and hope, just letting them you are aware they are feeling down and that you care about them is one way of giving support. Ask them if there is anything you can do for them, and if you know them well, ask if they have considered seeing a doctor because that is really what they need to do. Yes, winter will go away, and there are those who will get better and no longer need medication, but depression is a serious illness that needs attention.
Telling someone that depression will just pass is like playing with fire. You don’t know if it will cause a larger fire to take hold and burn something greater. So with depression, you don’t know if it could lead to suicidal ideation and someone actually taking their life. Don’t take it that to mean every case of depression will lead to that because those are the minority. But don’t dismiss those who are suffering with depression. They are in pain.
For those of the faith, encourage them to stay connected with their brothers and sisters, encourage them to continue to go to church. Encourage them to keep reading the bible and praying. And above all, be their friend. Be willing to be there and spend time with them. They need to know that people love them even when they are down. They may choose to isolate, but be there when they do reach out.
How do I know all this? Because I have been there, I have experienced the pain of depression. I spent months in a place of deep despair before getting the help I needed. I wish I had gone sooner. I simply could not take anymore and was feeling suicidal. Those dark days are over thanks to medication. So, remember in prayer those in your life who may have depression and reach out to them with words of compassion. Let them know you care and understand they hurt. God knows and has compassion beyond ours. Follow him and let him guide you as you offer help and hope to those who struggle.
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