A New Year, a New Path

Today is a huge day for me. I just took a step in a new direction. I played my last time with my church's praise team. I've sat on the podium for eighteen years playing guitar. That adds up to a lot of Sundays. Before 2000, I was a worship leader and played guitar for two other churches beginning in 1984. And before that, played some for the church of my youth and a Christian band in high school. I've played guitar for over fifty years, having taken my first attempted strums at the age of ten.

I threw my hat in the ring in my early twenties for some all female folk rock bands. Played around town a little, but nothing came of it. It wasn't meant to be. Tried going solo, recording an album of my own Christian compositions in Nashville. Wanted to be the next big star. The producer took it around and pitched it, but no record label picked it up. It wasn't meant to be.

Serving God doesn't mean big tent revival meetings and giant ministries traveling the world or performing on the big stage. There are people called to that, but that's not what God had in mind for me. My service has been limited to churches numbering maybe 125 or so. And now, the numbers have dwindled down to maybe 30-40. But I've been where God wanted me for different seasons. God counts lives touched by us one at a time. It's my true heart's desire that these past years have born fruit for his glory. I have sought no recognition, just showing up Sunday mornings to sit on a stool off to the side not entirely visible, a preference. Just to offer my guitar playing to the Lord. Sometimes feeling overwhelmed spiritually, other times struggling just to play. My emotions sometimes raw and bleeding, and at times dull. But I was doing what God wanted me to do. He gave me a gift and I used it. Now he's leading me a new direction.

I feel strangely numb at the moment. Which is odd. Playing guitar in church has been my identity for my entire adult life. I am now 63. I have accompanied many singers and played with many different musicians over the years. I expected tears as I was packing up my guitar for the last time this morning. I felt numb. Maybe the Lord is doing me a kindness. Now I have to learn a whole new identity as a servant of God. I know I have been released to write beyond blogging. And I know some part of  past experience  or innate knowledge will now come into play, but what it's going to look like I haven't a clue.

It will be a new year in two days, and my new ministry begins. Using my mind and words instead of holy emotions and hands. I must remember one is not superior to the other and God given talents can be used in a multitude of ways. I am still a part of the Body. Not sure what part I am now, but God will make that known. There will be a time of adjustment, and not just for me.

My prayer is I hold tightly to the Lord's hand as he leads me. Life is changing. Like the Godly women of old who followed their nomad husbands to unknown lands and futures as they followed the Lord's leading, so too, I will follow where God is leading. It's a little scary. Well, a lot scary. But my life is in God's hands and I want to please him. So, here I am, just as I am, and waiting and watching for him to lead me down a new path to an unknown future. May I have the heart of Mary and let it be done.