Blessing in Disguise

 Sixteen weeks. That's how long it has been since I broke my leg. I'm still wearing the boot and using the walker, but I have recently been able to put weight on it. I cannot begin to say how much joy it brings. My hands have sore calluses from bearing my weight on hard walker handles. Now I only use the walker to steady myself. My leg and ankle muscles are quite weak from disuse. In two weeks I get another set of x-rays and am hoping they will say I no longer have to wear the boot. I will still need the walker for some time until my muscles have strengthened. But that will come. 

A week or two back I had a long conversation with my pastor. One of the topics we touched on was the accident. She remarked that I seemed to be more at peace. I am, and that is no accident. We agreed God did not cause me to break my leg, but the accident wasn't prevented by Divine intervention either. It's pretty clear it was a life-changing event. Faced with an extended leave of absence, eventually money would have run out. I was forced to take early retirement.

The job I had was fast-paced and demanding. I was there for over sixteen years. During those years I worked with five managers with enough temperamental differences I sometimes suffered mental whiplash. Bipolar disorder made it even more challenging. One particular boss had little patience. I struggled during her tenure with a complete breakdown. And medications were making me forgetful. I had to take an extended leave of absence to save my job. I am very fortunate my employer was sympathetic and I was not terminated. A lot of people with mental illness suffer job loss even with the ADA. I will always be grateful for the library standing by me. 

This broken leg, as trying as it has been, has resulted in my no longer having to take blood pressure medication. I also get better sleep. And even when sleep isn't good, I no longer face a high stress eight hour day with diminished mental acuity and physical stamina. Yes, God didn't cause it, but he allowed it. He understood my anxieties and steered me in the direction I needed to go. 

A verse from Psalm 139 came to mind this morning: ...all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. God knows our comings and goings. He hems us in from every side. I could wish my leg had never been broken, but I would have continued on the same path and stayed in turmoil. Instead, God used my misfortune to rescue me and put my life on a new trajectory. Contrary to some teachings, blessings rarely mean money, ease, and a carefree life. Jesus said blessed are the poor. I now see my accident as a blessing and I thank God. His blessings truly make rich the soul.

Journey to Justice

 I used to say I’m colorblind. It seemed the right way to think. But my mindset has changed and I embrace differences in color and culture because it validates identity. I believe everyone has a spark of the divine image of God and dignity within them. That’s why the voices calling for racial justice and equality matter. That’s why my voice joins with them.

I grew up in a white suburb of Kansas City. Maybe that was intentional on the part of the developers. I don’t know. The only time I saw people who weren’t white was when we journeyed south of the river to shop downtown, go to the zoo, or to the Air Force base. I’m certain I stared. We always returned to the insulated neighborhood in which we lived.

I finally encountered people of color when I went to college, though not many attended the university. It was moving to cheaper housing that brought me into a predominately Black neighborhood. I was the only white person in my apartment building. There I saw financial insecurity, the result of redlined segregation. Though I made friends, I was called out for white privilege. It just wasn’t labeled by that name yet. I had everything I needed and much of what I wanted courtesy of just being white and having parents who could foot the bill. The cards were stacked in my favor.

I’m aware the doors of financial, educational, and employment opportunities have opened for me that are frequently denied people of color. Black, Latinx, Asian, and Indigenous peoples have been systematically denied equal power and wealth. Desegregation was supposed to erase the disparity between the urban core neighborhoods and schools and the white suburbs, but in reality hasn’t

I now live in a diverse urban neighborhood. My church is one of the only Presbyterian churches in the city that is racially mixed. It was there as I made friends that I learned what walking or driving while Black meant if stopped by the police. My fear mingled with that of a mother who told me how her teenaged son and daughter were loaded into a police car simply because they were walking down the sidewalk. They grilled them, then let them go. They were actually looking for an older Black man. So why stop them? It’s traumatizing for people when they are immediately suspect just for the color of their skin.

 Black lives matter. The lives of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor mattered. So, too, the many other lives lost to unjustifiable lethal action. I struggle with the injustice I have seen and heard about. Sometimes I cry. It’s grief mingled with anger. Anger that must be channeled into positive action to bring justice and peace. Jesus said we would always have the poor, but what we do about it will matter when we are judged.

God is not a Republican. God is not a Democrat, either. Jesus is his face to us and he was not about keeping the status quo.  He ushered in a new kingdom in which we are to love and help the poor and needy, the disenfranchised and downtrodden. It’s not enough to say racism is wrong. Anti-racism must be our goal: to root out racism in our institutions including the church. And I must also seek to uncover my own hidden biases. The time has come for racial reconciliation and restitution. The church must take the first step. Then those who finally know justice will also know peace.

Paul's Question

Late last night I could not rest. The latest pronouncement from the nation's capital was completely mind-blowing and utterly disturbing. It was such a giant open threat that would overturn my life and the lives of everyone else who get by with social security income. I couldn't believe it at first, but then I considered the person behind the statement and realized he'd do it if he weren't thwarted. It would be a national disaster. 

So I tossed and turned. Even my sleep meds couldn't shut my mind down. Then I laid there awhile thinking of worship songs and praying for help. Just, "help." Then my prayer grew a little longer and deeper, though a simple "help" is pretty deep prayer when words fail. As I paused, scripture came to mind. I remembered most of the passage, but not all. So I got up and went to the living room and got my bible. 

I found it where I thought it was. Romans 8:26-39. I'm only going to put parts in here. Please read it in its entirety. In fact, read the whole chapter. It will reclaim you if you have been struggling. But verses 26-27 tell us the Spirit intercedes for us with sighs and groanings only God can understand. You have the Holy Spirit praying for you! 

    

We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. Verse 28. This verse has been taken out of context all too often. Usually, just the first half is tossed out as a comforting verse, but it has to be connected to the following verses 29-30. 

For those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn within a large family. And those whom he predestined he also called; and those whom he called he also justified; and those whom he justified he also glorified.

Things work out for good because his purpose is to transform us. And that is good news! However, transformation comes at a cost. The first cost was the Crucifixion. And Jesus clearly said to be his disciples we also had to suffer. The servant is not greater than the Master. So, Paul asks a question in the next verse (31a). What then are we to say about these things? This arduous journey we take through transformation can be a struggle, and sometimes painful as we die to our sinful flesh and grow into mature spiritual beings. Like Jesus. But take heart, Paul went on to give very encouraging words. 

If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else? Who will bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us. Verses 31b-34. Those should make us feel secure. We are free from sin's death power.  Jesus is also interceding along with the Holy Spirit. They've got us covered. 

Paul closes with an even more potent passage that is for our upended crazy world. Global warming, multispecies extinctions due to overkill and loss of habitat, lack of prey, and pollution. The pandemic, the collapse of the economy. The racism that permeates the world and our nation in particular. The government's inactions and actions. The fighting and the gun violence. The wars, terrorism, and famines. The list could go on, but Paul has said we are predestined to glory and there is hope for us now.

Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written: For your sake we are being killed all day long; we are accounted as sheep to be slaughtered. No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Verses 35-39

We are secure in hearing God speak to us. Nothing can separate us from God's love. Neither things present of which I listed some, nor things to come. The future is the great unknown. What's happening now will affect the future in unpredictable ways and even if we could predict, it would be overwhelming and frightening. But Paul says we are more than conquerors in the midst. 

Anxiety, anger, fear, and grief surrender to the all-encompassing love of God through Christ Jesus our Lord. Paul's words invite peace. They invite courage. I have had visions of things going from bad to worse. And maybe they will. But I am a conqueror and nothing, absolutely nothing can separate me from God's love. In answer to Paul's question, this is what I have to say about all these things.  

Citizens of Heaven

Anger is a double-edged sword. It can cut through the crap or cut through the heart in damaging ways. Lately I  have been angry with differing results. Some of it has been appropriate in light of certain issues, but it also has been harmful to me. The fact is, the people I have been most angry with are not within earshot. And frankly, probably could care less if they knew. The net result is a simmering self that only damages my heart. This true of everyone. We pierce ourselves when the sun sets on our anger.

A couple of days ago I was considering the state of our nation and the multiple crises sweeping it, the government's response and the anger came on. It swept me along and I couldn't stop the furious thoughts that overtook me. Suddenly in the midst of the clamor, I heard a still small voice. It cut through the cacophony as though it was bellowing, but it was a mere whisper: "You are not a citizen of the world."

I knew I had heard God. There was an immediate cessation of thoughts and I was left with just one response: "But I have to live in it." As soon as it slipped out I thought "oops" and I repented. But today I realize it was a legitimate thought. I just phrased it wrong. It should have been a question: "How do I live in the world then?" That would have been an appropriate response to God's message to me.

My anger has stemmed from the hard hearts and harshness of so many people. Of the vitriol that politicians are spouting. Of the horrid racism that is exploding from some in response to the legitimate protests. But I recognize anger rarely changes hearts. So, what would Jesus do? Really. I can get an idea from his prayer he told his disciples to pray. "Thy kingdom come on earth as it is heaven."

God's kingdom is marked by love, compassion, mercy, and justice. 

Love as in accepting people as they are and where they are and loving them unconditionally. That can be challenging if you are busy judging them by their actions and lifestyles. So stop it. Everyone bears the image of God.

Compassion as in helping those in need. Feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and incarcerated. It's characterized as supplying worldly treasures to help the poor, just as Jesus told the rich young ruler to do. It's hard when you think God's blessing is based on possessing wealth. It's to share.

Mercy as in forgiving and placing yourself in the shoes of others. Everyone has a story. Unless you listen to it you will never be free of judgemental thinking. Yes, sometimes people create their own traumas, but no one wakes up and says "today I will ruin my life." Think of the mistakes you have made that were life-altering and show some mercy.

Justice as in seeing that the poor are not trampled down even more than their humble estate has left them. It is working toward anti-racism and racial reconciliation. It is finding alternatives to incarceration which does nothing to rehabilitate. It is challenging policies that work against justice for the vulnerable. Read the book of Proverbs and see how much is dedicated to justice. It will change the way you think if you allow the Holy Spirit to instruct you. So read it.

Above all, pray for those who rule that their eyes may be opened to see Jesus and for peace in our land.

 

We are citizens of heaven, but we live in the world. So let's live like Jesus died for everyone.