Midweek Meditation

I had occasion today to revisit the past while sharing my story with someone. It was an opportunity to give a “testimony” as they say in some churches. I felt I was supposed to tell where I had come from and the life I once led, sharing a brief history of my journey, and the stops along the way, that led to the life I now embrace.

It is always with trepidation that I tell the truth. It’s not that I lie about my past. I just choose to omit much of it for many valid reasons, and perhaps not so valid reasons. What was different today is that I came away from the experience minus the burden that often follows such a revelation: The burden of shame. Regardless of how much I have changed, and how much I understand of the power of Christ’s blood to cleanse and restore, there has always been a sense of shame that clings to me whenever I talk of my past. The level of intensity has greatly diminished over the years, yet it lingers.

Of all emotions or feelings, nothing is as deadly as shame. It is a corrosive poison that kills. It steals faith, hope, joy and peace. It destroys the spirit, soul, and even body. I cannot prove it, but I am convinced most suicides are prompted by unremitting shame. There is no burden harder to bear. Unlike the conviction of the Holy Spirit, shame does not lead to Christ-like transformation. It leads to condemnation and death.

I Peter 2:4-6, 9-10 says, “As you come to him, the living Stone—rejected by men but chosen by God and precious to him—you also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God though Jesus Christ. For in Scripture it says: See, I have laid in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trust in him will never be put to shame…But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.”

What a marvelous promise, but it comes with a condition. To embrace the promise, you must trust—trust in the efficacy of Jesus’ blood and sacrifice, his atonement on our behalf. It is either true or we are totally without hope. At least, I am. But I do trust. I choose to trust even though at times my head tells me otherwise. I do believe that Jesus’ death and resurrection, the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit, and the incomprehensible love and grace of the Father are all I need to be free, not only from sin, but also guilt and shame.

This afternoon, my heart has been singing the refrain of an old hymn:

Grace, grace, God’s grace
Grace that will pardon and cleanse within
Grace, grace, God’s grace
Grace that is greater than all our sin

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.