I am writing this with a brain that has been sleep deprived for a week now and I did not sleep a wink last night. I was just not able to function at work, not even the most basic of my job duties, and my psychiatrist wants me to take a couple days off while we try a new medication and to somehow get the rest I desperately need. I have a job and a boss that permits me to do just that, so I am home writing a blog entry that may not make any sense.
I have been trying to stay as positive as I can be which isn’t easy. What little sleep I get I have been saying thank you to God for, rather than complaining to him. It’s been a challenge to do so because I feel terrible. I don’t understand why this is a condition I live with that so adversely affects me.
I don’t understand much about suffering, in fact, I don’t understand it all. I know people personally who suffer so much more than I do with my bipolar disorder. As bad as I feel, I know there are millions more whose lives are so much more challenging than mine. They are suffering far worse and I don’t know why God permits it.
The bible records the questioning of Job, a man who suffered some of the worst anguish a person can experience and he started out like me, trying to honor God in the midst of his suffering. But he finally reached his breaking point and began questioning God, demanding an answer. I have read it multiple times and each time I come away with the feeling that God really doesn’t answer his question directly. But God does indeed answer.
The answer to Job’s questioning was a rebuke couched in a declaration of God’s greatness and sovereignty. Simply said, God is the Creator and Ruler of all things and what he chooses to permit is his divine right and we are not given insight into his thinking in the life we now live. Revelation will come when we see him face to face.
In the meantime, the way we are to cope with suffering is to reach out with love, compassion and practical help to those who suffer. Encouraging and aiding in any way that we can by the giving of our lives, our grace and our resources. It is not easy to be an encourager when you are the one suffering and sometimes we are called on to do just that. Other times we are the ones to receive.
While I don’t really understand suffering, I can trust God’s goodness. I can continue to offer up thanks for what he has given me. God does not overlook the suffering of his children and in time when we see him, we will receive what is precious beyond all understanding. What that is we do not know, but it is a sure promise. So let’s be about the ministry of God and trust him to sort it all out in the end. God is good all the time.
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3 comments:
Multiple people I know have had the same "insomnia" problems over the last week or so. Maybe God's trying to get our attention about something that is obvious to him, but we're too dense to see yet. I'm just guessing here.
Lyndon
I stumbled upon your blog as I lay here crying my eyes out so weary and angry with my husband and myself and the world. I want comfort from my husband yet he offers none and instead has fallen asleep. So searching for some kind of comfort I found your blog and I feel calmer. I don't know what is wrong with me but this cycles through periodically and before I know it I feel awful about my life and my usual stresses become so much harder to deal with. Anyway, I really just wanted to thank you for giving me some comfort that I was having a hard time finding elsewhere.
Thank you, I am glad you found comfort in my words. I have Bipolar Disorder and understand mood swings and have had times of tears for no reason I can pinpoint, but God knows why and understands us thoroughly. I encourage you to seek him when you get in this place and look to him for comfort because people can and do fail us. I will remember you in my prayers.
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