Hoping in God

I found the Lee Ann Womack song “Dance” on youtube and posted it on my Facebook page. The lyrics were hard to listen to. It was as if she wrote the song just for me. I am not going to quote all the lyrics here, but as the chorus comes around she writes that “when the choice comes to sit it out or to dance, I hope you dance. I hope you dance.”

I used to be a dancer, not in a literal sense. I have two left feet and do not dance in public. But in my heart I danced like David did before the Ark of the Covenant. His sorrow turned to dancing; his pain to joy. But I haven’t danced in a long time. My legs feel rubbery and my heart broken. Relief from sorrow and pain does not seem forthcoming. Right now, I couldn’t dance even if Yosemite Sam started shooting at my feet.

Psalm 6:1-4

“Hear my cry, O God; from the end of the earth I call to you, when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I; for you are my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me abide in your tent forever, find refuge under the shelter of your wings. Selah”

The whole of Psalm 42 is also a place where I felt led to read.

“As the deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God…My tears have been my food day and night…Why are you cast down O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my help and my God.”

One is the plea for salvation from the bitter taste of death and brokenness. A lament to God most High. The other a lament as well, but with David grabbing at a sliver of hope. I am not able to dance and I feel no hope, but I can look into the face of God in his word for us and feel that he does indeed care, even if he appears to be far away in another galaxy.

I have lived a hard life, granted with fairly long periods of joy, but the times of sins, failures, faults, upheavals from painful consequences, and great loss of loved ones, years wasted with addictions, and loss of mental health and peace of mind. These things leave me shaken to the very core of my being.

Sometime in the future, maybe near, maybe far, “I shall again praise him, my help and my God.” One promise that is keeping me from going under completely again are the words Jesus spoke to his disciples in John 10:28-30.

“My sheep hear my voice. I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one will snatch them out of my hand. What my Father has given is greater than all else, and no one can snatch it out of the Father’s hand. The Father and I are one.”

Deep in my heart, I am looking for that sliver of hope to praise him once again. He won’t leave me in this place forever. In the future I will be able to look back and be grateful for his work in my heart and mind. I’m just not there yet. But Jesus says, “Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest for your souls.” Now it’s just a matter of when I will see him again.