Memorial Day Meditation

Today we take time to remember those who served our nation in the military who made the ultimate sacrifice in defense of our freedoms and security. Without their willingness to fight for our liberty, who knows what kind of country we would be living in. We owe a debt of gratitude and these men and women who should never be forgotten. As the years have passed, Memorial Day has evolved into remembering all dead and picnics, but that wasn't what the originators intended. It should be wholly devoted to our war dead.

I decided to not go visit my father and mother's graves today at Fort Leavenworth National Cemetery. We went last year on Memorial Day and it was very crowded. We will go next week. The flags will be gone, but I will take red roses to place on their graves. My father's favorite color rose was red. I will take pictures and talk to them, and probably cry. I always do.

My father served our nation for almost twenty-five years. On his headstone the inscription reads "He served God and his country." They got the order of the words right. My father loved the Lord and, along with my mother, raised us in the church, doing his best to instill faith in my brother and sister and me. He took his faith seriously and lived a life worthy of God's call on him. His favorite verse in the bible was John 14:6-7 "Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'" He believed it and I know he received a warm welcome in heaven when he went home to be with his Lord and Savior. My mother joined him seven years later, and by faith I know I will be greeted by them when my time has come.

Growing up in a military family meant there were missions my father was sent on throughout my childhood until his retirement. They were somewhat secret. He was deeply involved with the testing of atomic bombs as a meteorologist after the war ended. During the war he also had a top secret mission working on the Norden bombsite that made for more accurate bombing. He even had bodyguards to keep him safe from kidnapping or death. He was also a bombardier sinking Nazi submarines in the Northern Atlantic. His crew was awarded the Presidential Citation for their successes. I never knew these things fully until getting copies of his military records. In my eyes he is a hero for his service, but even more of a hero in the faith.

His faithfulness led me to a saving faith in the Lord. I am his legacy in the Lord. I am the fruit of his labor, my siblings as well. He received several good conduct medals and ribbons while serving in the Air Force. As far as I am concerned, he has received a good conduct crown in heaven.

I do not confuse God and country. God isn't American, although there are many who seem to think so. He has blessed our nation greatly, but our society has become increasingly secular and cracks are forming. Israel forgot God and worshiped idols. They paid a stiff price for it. Our nation will not be excluded from the penalty of forgetting God and worshiping the idols of money, power, wanton sexual debauchery, and selfishness. It's time for Christians to be even more faithful to reach out to a people who are lost and wandering.

My father is a hero in my eyes, but Jesus even more. He paid the ultimate sacrifice for not only Americans, but for the world. Today is a day to honor and give those who died in combat their just due. But every day we need to honor our Redeemer and give him his just due.

I am proud to be an American in spite of all that is wrong. My heart swells when I hear the national anthem and we display a flag on days like today. But I am more moved by songs of praise and worship to our Lord and King. Saying I am proud to be a Christian doesn't sound right. But I am more a citizen of heaven than I am of the United States. I have freedoms and responsibilities to my heavenly citizenship just as I do to my American citizenship. Sometimes they are in tandem, but also sometimes at odds. I will take up my citizenship in heaven and fulfill those responsibility with greater determination than my earthly one.

I remain grateful to have been born an American. I could have been born a North Korean or worse a denying Christ as Son of God and the only way to eternal life Islamic religion. Since God planned for my life to be an American one, all the more should I not squander my freedom to worship and witness. Remember this day for what it is, but make every day one pleasing to the Lord until he returns or calls you home. We are his before we are Americans. Never forget.

A Prayer for this day or for a Lifetime.

Lord, do not let me be an ill-prepared foolish virgin, but let me be a wise one, fully prepared to meet my Bridegroom and Lord. Please do not find me wandering on my own and then facing you with un-repented sin. Don’t let my building in this life go up in smoke and ashes as one whose works are in vain because they were not done for you and through you. Don’t let me be found a stranger, not having spent more time in prayer and seeking your face daily.

Holy, merciful King, give me a grateful heart to always be thankful for all you have freely bestowed on me. Clean, accessible water, so much food that I never hunger, a warm house filled with things to make my life easier and being able to read and write as well as having a level of health that keeps me fit. There are literally billions on the planet who do not have these things. I do not live in a war-torn country, while millions flee for refuge, with just the clothes on their backs, to lands where they do not know the language or customs. I do not struggle with persecution for my faith beyond being laughed at sometimes or being harangued by someone who wants to debate to show me as ignorant.  No one threatens me with torture or prison, or even death for my faith in you, Lord. Forgive me for my sense of ease as I enjoy all my blessings, which you gave me, but not before I am prepared to be a giver as you are. You gave up all for me. Shall I not do the same?

I don’t feel as though you are telling me to sell all my possessions and go where you lead, but am I clinging too tightly to my material wealth, however meager it may be compared to the wealth of others? Am I too afraid to go talk to that elderly gentleman sitting by himself hanging his head in the café. Should his loneliness and hunger matter to me? If I quiet the racing thoughts and grow still within me I know it matters.  My feet should obey and lead me over to his table to share a cup of coffee, a plate of food, and gentle words with him.

You were not blind to injustice when you walked on earth. You exposed it everywhere you went. Yet America is rife with injustice, inequality, racism and a new democracy run by the love of mammon, and what you clearly said about money is we cannot serve two masters. Mammon says take, not give. You, O Lord, tell me to give just as the widow with two tiny coins did, all she had for the day.

“He has told you, O mortal, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” Micah 6:8.

Lord, you know this was my mother’s favorite verse in the whole bible. Memories surface now and then that show she lived by that verse. I have many verses that speak deeply to my heart, but something tells me to take this verse as her scriptural legacy.  To counter injustice with justice, to love kindness and extend it especially to those who don’t appear to deserve it. They need it. Then as painful as it may be, strip away all pretense toward you and cause me to see me as you do. My eyes will run with tears for the many failures and sins; yet you seem to see something entirely different: a diamond in the rough. Take me, mold me, use me. Help me to walk freely knowing you have made me holy just as you are, but even more, help me to walk humbly, not just anywhere I head, but to walk humbly with you. To place my tiny hand in yours and walk your direction, to follow your lead.

So, this day and each day to come, let me be a pure vessel for your use, however you see fit. In my submission and obedience will you find your honor and glory.  For all who are called by you are made clean through the blood of the crucified King, who lives again and is able to give life and forgive sins. To him alone is the Name above all names, Lord of lords, King of kings, and the great
                                                                 
                                           I AM. 

Amen and amen.

---

 [sH1]

God is Good, All the Time

I warn ahead of time this is a long entry. I just got out of the hospital mental health unit after a nine day stay. Came home two days ago. I was so exhausted from lack of sleep I was hallucinating and feeling close to being suicidal. I wasn't going to make it much longer. It was the best decision I could have made. It took awhile, but a lot of changes in medications were made and I began to get a solid six hours sleep, which is all I really need to function at a high level. But it did not happen right away.

Sleep has consumed me for months. I have been insomniac for years, but not like this. This was extremely severe and no matter how much prayer was offered, God did nothing, or so it seemed. While I was hospitalized, I went to most of the daily classes offered for those in emotional and mental distress. It was difficult. Not only was I sleep deprived, I was an emotional mess and just wanted to isolate. The staff kept after me to attend them. The classes ranged from dealing with anxiety and grief to yoga and music/art/pet therapy.

Every day I had to make a goal and then at the last group meeting in the evening, say whether or not I achieved it. I'm sure you can guess the goal I made for the first six days. Sleep. But inside I had another goal: to hear God tell me why, just like Job. I have felt so beaten down for so long, I felt like God didn't really care. I stilled loved him and always will, but why was he being silent?

I asked my husband to bring my bible to me. The Gideon's bible is King James and while I understand it, I just prefer my version. I had a lot of time to think and read and pray. Soon, I was having scriptures come to mind. I am just going to list them and ask you, the reader, to look them up. But I will expand on one in particular. All of them were exactly directed to me and my condition. Psalm 38:9; Psalm 42: 5,11; Psalm 43:5; Psalm 3:8; Psalm 66:20; Psalm 46:10; Psalm 62:1-2;Psalm 121, all; Psalm 123, all; Psalm 127:2; Psalm 131, all; Psalm 81:1-3. All in the order I read them over the course of several days.

On the fourth day, I attended a class on coping with anxiety. I have had severe anxiety about sleep. The specialist said anxiety was good to the extent it alarms us to something wrong, but anxiety left alone caused a wealth of problems, and that I knew very well. She taught how we had to change our negative thoughts by replacing them with the opposite positive. All well and good, but then she came to the point that there are some things we just have to accept as well as their consequences. She called it Radical Acceptance. It struck a deep nerve and my initial reaction was "No way." But it left me thinking.

I got back to my room and immediately Psalm 139 came to mind. This I will do my best to tell. As I read through one of my very favorites, certain verses jumped out at me. Verse 5 and 10 said God had me hemmed in and was holding fast to me, guiding me. That brought a measure of comfort, Then  I came to verse 14. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My whole being, spirit, soul, and body are not accidental, nor are they broken in the sense my condition is a done for deal. But verse 16 gripped my heart tightly and I was shaken deeply. "In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed." Everything has been preordained for me, including my sleep issues and bipolar disorder.

Radical acceptance meant never getting enough sleep, losing my job and probable bankruptcy. I didn't want to think it true, but there it was, and I was left with no option but to surrender and like Job, be told who am I to argue with my Creator? He is the potter and I am nothing but clay in his mighty hands. I cried as I came to that realization. What has happened is a hard lesson in trust, patience, and endurance. Psalm 131:2 washed over me. Like a weaned child I have quieted my soul within me. Radical acceptance.

 It was no mistake that all the scriptures I read were from Psalms. David was a haunted man at times. He faced years of struggles and wrestled with God many times, and many of the latter Psalms were written in exile and times of Israel's tribulations.

That night I slept. The next two nights before my discharge I slept. I am in humble awe of God. He opens doors that cannot be shut and closes doors that cannot be opened. Every week at my church we end the service the same way, closing with, "God is good all the time, and all the time God is good." I won't be saying it by rote anymore.

I don't know if the sleep will continue or the future of my job, but God is merciful and gracious and does not lead us into more than we can bear. If once again I am deprived of sleep, I will praise him still. Jesus is all I really need.