Grace for This Time

It’s getting old, this broken leg and hopping about with a walker. I go from bed to recliner and short forays elsewhere in the house. The only place I’ve gone since the first week of May has been one trip for x-rays. I’m stir crazy, depressed, and bored. I can only read and write so much. TV is mind-numbing; so are games. Even hospital stays were more stimulating.

My next outing will be the end of July for more x-rays to see if my leg is healed enough to allow walking. It’s a little over four weeks away but seems an eternity. I’ve been through dark times before, but at least I could get out of the house. Ennui has me in its grip. I miss working, the people I worked with and helping the public. I worked there for over sixteen years, and even though retiring is for the best, I haven’t fully processed what is a major life event.

That change no doubt contributes to my depression. There is an end in sight for my walker days, but retiring is a whole other thing. I tell myself I can always work part-time and I think of the volunteer opportunities to help people. I will look for those, but the library was a multifaceted job. My job duties were so varied. I never knew what the next question would be. And it provided professional as well as personal growth opportunities.

I’m grateful for having had that job and that employer. My mental health issues were accommodated for me to keep working. Over the years, I worked for six different managers and only one was not understanding or supportive. Those were dark days, but with God’s grace I kept my job.

As I have been writing this I have begun to feel a little lighter. Putting my thoughts down always helps. I’m sorry for those who are told to suck it up when they struggle. God doesn’t say that in the bible. The overarching message is grace extended to us in whatever state we are in. In human flesh, God came to know homelessness, hunger, fatigue, and suffering. Jesus walked in our shoes and understands. So I turn to him in my weakness knowing he doesn’t say pull up your big girl panties and I am grateful.

The Salt of the Earth

I recently had a Sunday off due to weather conditions and thought I'd try to find a church service on TV. I wasn't filled with hope, but found one and was halfheartedly watching, not liking the music. Still, I thought I'd stick it out a little longer for the sermon. The pastor was unassuming and had a lackluster style, but I decided to listen in spite of the impulse to turn it off. I was glad I did. His message was so on target. God was definitely speaking.

The scripture text was from the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus told the people they were salt to the world, but his sermon wasn't saying to go beat the bushes for Christ. Rather he talked about how precious a commodity salt was to those who were listening to Jesus. It only takes a little to pleasantly season food to make it desirable. And just as too much salt can ruin a dish and waste the food, a heavy-handed evangelizing approach can drive people away.

I thought about times when I said too much and turned people off. I also thought about the times I had used the bible as a handbook of sin to judge people. I cringed when I considered all of it. I then thought about the times those things were done to me in the name of Jesus and how I felt: hurt, bewildered, turned off, angry.  Not a good result for soul winners.

 Maybe getting older means getting wiser. I'm not nearly as anxious as I once was when faced with opposition to the gospel. I find myself speaking more often in measured responses. I find my judgment has been tempered with grace and mercy, realizing sometimes I'm just to pray quietly in my closet. It doesn't mean I never speak. It means I put myself in someone's shoes. I recall all the issues I've struggled with through the years and how very unhelpful many Christians have been. Quick to quote scripture in hurtful ways to show how far I have missed the mark. I have witnessed firsthand how many Christians beat those who don't share the faith instead of seasoning their words lightly with the salt of Christ.

It's a fearful thing to judge others. Jesus said the measure we use to judge is the measure by which we will be judged. I don't know about you, but that gives me pause. I've read through the bible many times, and the gospels countless times. Jesus seemed to save his words of judgment for the religious. The people just struggling to get by in faith were encouraged. He said his yoke is easy. This is the Savior who said be salt to the world. Take the burden off the shoulders of the poor and needy. Give gentle words to those who are unkind to you. Be merciful to the unjust, and help those who struggle. As scripture says, taste and see the Lord is good.

Racial Reconciliation

I am witnessing one of the most momentous times in our society I can remember. I lived through the Civil Rights era, the Vietnam war, the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and the protests that were a part of those events. But what is happening now feels different. There is a solidarity that was missing in the past. There is also considerably less violence.

Yes, there was some looting, but the few people who do that are not the change agents who are peacefully protesting under their first amendment rights. Rioting hasn’t been widespread either. Not like I remember in the 60s. It has been subdued. And those who lost control are the most disenfranchised, whose voices have been ignored for so long they exploded in the face of resistance from authority. No, the majority is an amazing mix of races and ethnic groups, male and female, adults, teens and children. All marching together to say they want change to come at last.

There has been a widespread groundswell of response from all sectors of society, government, and business. Statues are toppling, some forcibly, some by policy makers in recognition the people are speaking. I heard it said if a person kidnapped your child and sold them, where would you want the statue of that person placed? Cuts to the heart of it. From a purely constitutional standpoint, the Confederates were traitors who actively turned on and killed fellow citizens in order to keep slaves. States rights was central to keeping slaves. Nothing glorious about that.

Some white people are already saying it’s too much. They aren’t racist so they shouldn’t have to listen this much. But true reconciliation cannot happen without hearing the whole truth and admitting our complicity in systemic racism even if we personally never acted ill toward people of color. There can be no reconciliation without sacrifice. Jesus demonstrated this. We can’t deny our complicity in his death.

This principle applies to the heritage of our black brothers and sisters, whose ancestors built much of American for free and not because they volunteered to. Those whose ancestors were routinely terrorized as they tried to build lives for themselves after they were freed. And in our times, we now incarcerate blacks fourteen times more often than their white counterparts. Walking or driving while black presents a whole set of issues unless you stay in your part of town.

I used to say I’m colorblind, but now I realize how mistaken that is. God made us different colors because it pleased him. He isn’t colorblind. To say we don’t see our differences is to devalue a nonwhite person’s culture and heritage. To recognize and appreciate our differences makes it possible to learn from one another. Yes, we are all children of God, regardless of our skin color, but rejoice in God’s creational purposes.

Seeing blatant racism is easy. But it's much harder to admit we have lived with white privilege for so long that we truly are not anti-racist. That means being intentional in listening and recognizing if you are having a knee-jerk reaction or want to argue why African Americans are asking too much. No. No they aren’t and if you think they are, you need to take your thoughts and heart before Jesus in abject recognition you are a part of the problem.

Be a changemaker. Be a peacemaker. Draw the circle larger to include more than those in your neighborhood and church. Love justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.