Fear of the Water, Fear of the deep

Here I am hurtling through the air at who knows what speed a 737 does.  We've just taken off for Seattle on our way to see our son. It will be a three hour flight. The longest non-stop flight I've ever been on. I am feeling rather relaxed because that’s what Ativan does. Two pills and my fear of flying eases. But three hours is a long time to me. I don’t know how people are able to fly across the Atlantic. I would have to be knocked out.

Flying for me is fearful in and of itself, but crossing the ocean is beyond fearful. It is terrifying. I have respect for water, and I can swim, but a pool is a far cry from the tempestuous, never still ocean. It is full of swells and when it storms, ships are tossed about like rag dolls. The largest ones weather it better, but still, the oceans can break ships and send them to the deep.

It is that awful power and darkest depths from where no one is ever found or returns that terrifies me. One can only tread water for so long. Then there is becoming a meal for a shark. But the vastness and unforgiving power to destroy is what makes me refuse to cross any ocean. For some it is a source of fascination, but for people like me, it overwhelms and melts the courage of even the normally steadfast.

The ocean makes me think of the Lord. He is vast, powerful, endless in motion in the affairs of men, and for those who have been taught incorrectly, just as the ocean so, too, he can instill great fear. In my past I had a distorted concept of God. He was like the hound of heaven, busily seeking those he could destroy by tossing them into hell. No mercy for those of us who had wandered too far from religion and faith. My actions put me high on the list for eternal torment. At one point in the bible, Kind David felt as if God had turned away from him and he said God’s waves and billows had washed over him.

In a foolish and twisted mind, I knew I was going to hell, so what I did mattered not. Yet, at the same time, I kept running from him as fast as I could. Somehow I thought I could keep out of his reach, I could go on living as I was, staying far away from him as I could. The restricted space of a blog keeps me from telling my whole story, so I shall just say that I finally was cornered, and the relentless hound of heaven had me right where he wanted me. I expected the worst, but what I got was mercy, grace, faith and forgiveness. I was utterly changed. Some things right away, some things took some time, but I did a 180, and the understanding I had of God would never be the same.

He is like the ocean he created. Vast, deep, and awesome. Like how the ocean beckons sailors, so he beckons us. He seeks those who will go into the spiritual waters where we cannot touch bottom. He bids to go well beyond the visible shore; deeper and deeper. If we desire an intimacy with God unlike any other, then we must go beyond wading in ankle deep water.  The Holy Spirit will cause us to walk where only one man walked, and that is Peter when Jesus called to him to come out of the boat. But Peter, seeing the swells from the storm and feeling the wind the churned the water, sank like a rock and Jesus had to rescue him.

God wants us to follow where Jesus walked, defying natural fear and get out of the boat. The wind and high foaming waves are not to be our focus. Our gaze needs to always be on Jesus. He will lead us in safety. That doesn't mean there will be no storms, but he will keep us safe. That is a promise.

I haven’t convinced myself that I want to cross the ocean by plane or ship, but I will get out of the boat that I have been clinging to. God has others yet to be rescued in the deep waters and those of us who have been graciously set free and forgiven must follow where the Spirit leads and reach out to those drowning in their sin and self-imposed bondage, the chains that are dragging them under.

Are you afraid to get out of the safety of the boat? I am. But get out is the command and I must obey, Not because I will be punished if I don’t, but because I will miss out on the wonderful and great exploits of reaching out to the drowning and through the power and grace of God, bring them to Jesus who will take it from  there and turn another life around.

In the book of Psalms, at one point there is a verse that has always been mysterious to me. It is “deep calls unto deep.” As I rack my brain trying to remember where it is, I think it might be in the Psalm I referenced earlier. There is no depth deeper than the mind of God. His thoughts are above our thoughts and his ways above our ways. He doesn't call the wise of the world, nor the strong and naturally brave.

He calls ordinary people, like me, and perhaps you, the reader. He calls the timid, and weak. He calls those the world calls foolish. He calls those who know they need a Savior. They recognize they are calling one last time in desperation for someone to save them as they sink. It is Jesus through us who grabs their hand and pulls them to the safety of salvation. Deep calls unto deep: The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. And as we grow, we begin to know the mind of God, and listen for the deep calling the deep.

We are on our downward descent into Seattle. I have made it three hours in an airplane. I spent the time writing this. It may not be one of my better ones, but a couple of anxiety pills and two screaming babies next to and behind me…the entire flight hasn't helped my concentration. I could have complained, but I've been told I was just as bad if not worse. There’s grace in that.