Fear of Falling

I'm afraid of falling. Literally terrified of falling. The painful recovery from my broken leg has put fear in me in a new twist. I have taken dives throughout my life and gotten up, dusted myself off, and kept going. But a shattered leg changed that. I have osteoporosis. Another fall could mean another broken bone. I will get treatment for it. But if my mind returns to the injury event my heart rate goes up and I physically cringe. It's disturbing. But other things are even more disturbing.

I have a fear of falling spiritually as well. I have found myself with plenty of free time between broken leg, pandemic, and retirement to ponder my true condition. My prayer life is not spectacular and I only read a chapter or so of the bible daily. What I am furiously doing is pondering the state of our nation, politics, and racial injustice. I'm angry.

I tell myself it's righteous anger and I honestly believe much of it is. But anger without mercy is just anger and does little to promote peace and unity. I am righteously angry about the wolves in sheep's clothing ravishing the Church. Many claim to be God's instrument and voice, but have no compassion. They are whitewashed tombs. They are Pharisees. They are not gathering. They are scattering lives.

Then there are the wealthy who clamor for even more money breaking the hope of the poor and disenfranchised. They rob those with little for their ungodly greed. The prophet Nathan called out David for taking the one wife of Uriah when he had hundreds of concubines. Nathan likened him to a rich man stealing a poor man's single lamb for his feast when he had a huge flock. The love of money is indeed the root of all sorts of evil. 

I could go on, but my anger is coming back and lest I fall into hardheartedness, I must ask for mercy,  for me and for those who clamor for their way or the highway.  They breathe injustice. Jesus said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Those words still resonate today for those who would rush to crucify him anew in their blindness. Would I? Would you? Consider your answer prayerfully. 

Fear of falling. We should all take that to heart. God forgive our unrighteous anger and spur us on to merciful actions with anger that is justified. Then let us walk in peace knowing we have done all we can to shine a light in a very dark world.