It’s been a few days since I wrote anything. I’ve been unable to put pen to paper, or rather fingers to the keyboard. I’ve had the time and have stared at a blank page repeatedly waiting for inspiration to strike. Something profound and insightful, and instead I’m admitting that I have nothing of note to say.
I had the germ of an idea come to me while I was driving home from church, but got distracted, and for the life of me, I cannot remember what it was, which is very frustrating. I get ideas for what to write just about everywhere but at home with my computer at the ready. I can usually run for the computer when I get home and let the words flow. But today and the last several days, the tap has run dry.
What I am learning as a writer is that it’s okay if I occasionally have writer’s block. It’s not the end of the world. Words will eventually come again. So it also is with the overwhelming sense of God’s presence. There are times when it seems he is present to me in tangible ways. I can literally feel him around me. But times do come when I feel quite alone and I wonder where he went, why I no longer sense his being. It’s a spiritual form of writer’s block: Spirit block.
I know that sin can block the presence, the awareness of God’s nearness, but it’s not always a sin issue. He promised that if we diligently seek him, he will make himself clearly known (Hebrews 11:6, 1 Chronicles 28:9). I know that God does not play “stump the believer.” If he withdraws for a season, there is good reason. I think God masks himself at times to see what we will do. I think he wants to see how much and how hard we will pursue him. Like a lover, he wants to see if we desire him as well. And he is the lover of our souls. Jesus made it very clear through the cross.
When I am in the midst of writer’s block, I make myself write something, anything at all. It doesn’t have to be great, but to write anything helps keep the words coming. So too is the discipline of the faith walk. When God seems a million miles away, I keep praying and reading the bible. It helps keep me from losing heart when I no longer feel the mountaintop high of being so near to God that I could almost reach out and touch him.
The valleys in the spirit life will come, but as David wrote so well: Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil for you are with me (NRSV). We will have times of apparent abandonment, but they are only temporary, and our feelings mislead us in that the truth is God is always near us, and as believers, in us.
My writer’s block will end, but God’s presence will not. I know that as long as I go ahead and make the effort to seek, there will be reward in the end. Words will come, and God will once again make his face to shine on me. How wonderful is that?
2 comments:
We'll hear him in the thunderstorms over the next few days and we'll see plant life bloom like crazy next week. It'll be evidence that the wait was worth it. I know God waited a long time for me to turn back to Him. I firmly believe that He hears us, even in our despair, but knows that we will rejoice with Him when we're aware of His presence again. Thank you God for being.
Lyndon
I do well, and see clearly when I can feel God. So often when I don't, my priorities become skewed and it is that much harder to settle down and listen to what he might be saying. Like you said He eventually shines through the clouds.
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