The Revelation of Ourselves

“They” say confession is good for the soul. “They” are speaking the truth, but for the most part, I think those who say that don’t have many skeletons haunting their closets, especially ones that some do not wish to be brought into the light. I live a lifestyle I pray conforms to that of Christ Jesus, but years ago I was dead in my sins and they weren't very nice. I have a closet full of skeletons rattling around in my heart and mind that I don’t readily reveal. The cost could be too high to bear. Rejection is one of the hardest things to endure. The pain inflicted on our hearts and minds has the power to break us and leave hopelessness in its wake.  That is why great caution should be taken when revealing past sins as well as ones of the present. Even in writing this blog entry I feel some anxiety.

I encountered the Savior when I stepped into an AA hall nearly thirty years ago. AA is not a Christian organization. In fact, the twelve steps and traditions of AA go to great length to not align the program with any particular religion. AA’s Higher Power allows everyone to come in and feel at home whatever their beliefs or un-beliefs. But the only Higher Power I could turn to was the Christian God of my childhood. I was not disappointed. When I asked Jesus to take me as I was and help me, I knew I connected with the one true God, and I was utterly shaken to the core of my being. His response was not a list of rules to follow and hoops to jump through. Instead I found freedom from the bondages that had held me captive for the better part of my life.

Confession is good for the soul. The steps of AA lead the alcoholic through the process of finding a Higher Power, cleaning up the past and making a new life for the future. The particular steps I am referring to are the ones that require us to make a list of all persons we have harmed and a true evaluation of our lives. The kicker is that you not only have to confess those things to God, but you must also confess to another person “the exact nature of our wrongs.” (AA Big Book).

I was so reluctant to share my sins with anyone that I balked for a while, but the truth is anyone who refuses to do that will eventually drink again, or for non-alcoholics, fall back into the sins they are so easily beset by. I found a sponsor who seemed like she had lived fully in the world and wasn't easily shocked. She was also a Christian. I made my list and spilled out my insides to this person with great fear and trepidation. But my fears were met with grace and acceptance. She was in short, a life saver. When I finally finished, she assured me of her acceptance and of the acceptance and forgiveness of God. She was the face of Jesus acting on his behalf to help me feel as forgiven as I was. Confession is indeed good for the soul.

There are sins from my past that I will share openly, and there are sins I do not. The revelations of those past sins are reserved for people I sense will not reject me. Yet every time I decide to risk rejection, I am terrified, because I have felt the sting of it and want to avoid it at all cost.  So why talk about things of the past that have been forgiven? Because those I tell my story to can give glory to God and perhaps find an open door for confession for them if they trust me as I have trusted them.

I do not confess to keep condemning myself and repeatedly seeking absolution for things for which I have already received forgiveness. I did a complete 180 when I turned to the Lord and was set free through confession, forgiveness and grace. My story might just be what the person needed to hear. I don’t often reveal that I have Bipolar Disorder because of the stigma attached to mental illness, but in doing so when it feels safe--an anonymous blog--or with people I know to be trustworthy, I have found many times there are questions I can answer because someone they know has a mental illness.

The confessions brought to God in repentance never result in punitive actions or rejection; they are designed to bring a greater freedom for the heart, soul and mind, and an awareness of the brokenness we all live with so our hearts will grow more tender toward one another.

There are those who reject the light of Jesus so their deeds can remain hidden in darkness. Those who have received salvation through grace bring their deeds in his light so they can be seen for what they are: chains of bondage forged by our own hands, the machinations of the Liar, and the lure of the flesh. If you are wrestling with past or present sins, find someone with whom you can share and in doing so be released to experience the love and forgiveness of God in a tangible life-changing way.

Confession is good for the soul.