There is Light

I know my blog entries have been downers lately, but I have to be honest. As the old saying goes, “To thine own self be true.” The reason my blog exists is to journal my journey in faith and I do not believe for one minute that other Christians have not been through similar challenges and setbacks. As much as I expect perfection in myself, I must acknowledge that perfection in this life does not exist for anyone. Christians are people who are being made into the likeness of Jesus, but the total transformation will not be complete until we see him face-to-face. That is where our hope and attention should lie and not on our failures.

Having said that, it is much easier to say than to do. It means nothing less than total surrender to the Lord of all areas of our lives; to hand over all our doubts, fears, and shortcomings, entrusting them to the keeper of our souls. I have been through one of the worst periods of my life this past year and I think I may see a tiny pinpoint of light in the far distance. The blackest tunnel I am walking through may have a positive ending after all. I hope that light signals the end of the darkness I have wandered in for a long time.

We are broken vessels of clay. Formed in perfection and beauty, Adam and Eve chose rebellion and we, their descendants have followed in their footsteps. As John wrote, if we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the light is not in us. Well, I announce to the world that I am a sinner. That I am shot through with sins of commission and omission, and all my struggles to absolve myself through wasted efforts to do better on my own are in vain. Broken down and bleeding self-righteous efforts, Jesus calls to me, saying there is a balm for my many self-inflicted wounds, as well as those perpetrated on me by others throughout my life. Wounds that I am discovering I have no power to heal on my own; wounds that I just can’t ignore or forget.

What can I do? Paul wrote, “Woe is me. Who can save me from this body of shame?” He then provided the answer: Christ can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves. There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. There is a longing in my heart for the life changing and saving grace that comes only from God. Life may have shattered me over the years with many evils done and done to me, but he can use me broken as I am. I will not be perfectly healed in this life, none of us will be. We are left redeemed, broken vessels in order that we may extend grace and mercy to those we encounter who may also be struggling in similar ways.

There was darkness throughout the land before Jesus died. He had to walk through his own black tunnel for the salvation that came afterward with his resurrection in light. His brokenness frightened his followers until they understood the reason for it. This is what every believer must learn: their own brokenness is not the end. There is light ahead and a journey in which we will experience growing pains, but also one in which we will encounter wounded souls we can offer healing balm to. The old hymn chorus rings in my mind, “There is a balm in Gilead, to heal the sin sick soul. There is a balm in Gilead to make the wounded whole.” The balm we can give others is our love and humility born out of the pain we have lived through, and that gives hope that nothing lasts forever in this life. Suffering begets peace, and peace begets hope, and hope begets joy that leads to deeper faith in the one who claims us just as we are, where we are, and who we are, with no strings attached.

Paul wrote that this present suffering is nothing compared to what awaits us in the presence of the Lord of all. While I may have struggles in this life, I will, through his word, hope in his ever abundant grace. As Psalm 119 says, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.” And the Word and Light is Jesus Christ.