Deepest Darkness, Highest Joy

 

It isn’t unusual for me to become emotional during Holy Week as I ponder the price paid for sin. I can look back over my life and see there are things to be sorry for. I do not do that often or I can be overwhelmed by memories of things I wish I had never experienced, choices made that I regret but am powerless to change. We are not given a redo, but we are given the opportunity to live righteously in the present.

 

In the book of Lamentations, the prophet Jeremiah says God’s steadfast love never ceases and his mercies are new every morning. In that, I find hope. Hope that I am never alone no matter my state of mind. He is present with me in triumphs and in failures, whether I stumble or succeed. Each day I can rise fresh in the knowledge he is near and will extend the grace needed to live a life worthy of the blood shed for me.

 

My prayer today is summed up in the words from an old hymn: “oh let me never, never outlive my love for thee.” The love of God that compelled Jesus to come in the flesh to walk among us as he journeyed to the cross causes me to bow down and worship. I pray that I will never take for granted the price paid for my salvation, and never outlive my love for my Maker and Savior. It is his passion for me that has brought me to this place in my life, and his grace leads me to my destiny: to become like Jesus and to live forever in his presence.

 

When the day arrives to celebrate the resurrection, I will look back to the empty cross of suffering and allow it to inform my joy at the sight of the empty tomb of life. The two are inseparable and will stand throughout eternity as the ultimate symbols of God’s love for those he created for himself. Because of the cross, I am no longer judged for my sins and failures. The demands of the broken Law were nailed to it and death no longer reigns.

 

That is why it is called Good Friday.

 

The Promise of a New Covenant

 Jeremiah 31:31-34--A Meditation

 

“The days are coming,” declares the Lord, “when I will make a new covenant with the people of Israel…This is the covenant I will make…I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts. I will be their God and they will be my people…For I will forgive their wickedness and I will remember their sins no more.”

The people of Israel broke the covenant given through Moses; the covenant established through the Law. The repeated cycle of sin, repentance, and daily sacrifices was clear evidence of the inability of the Law to change hearts and minds. In Isaiah, God said the people worshipped with their lips, but their hearts were far from him.  A new and better covenant was needed.

This new covenant is for all humankind: Grace and faith gifted to our hearts and minds through the sinless life, death, and resurrection of Christ. No more need for repeated sacrifices for transgressions. Sin was dealt with once for all eternity, nailed to the cross. Christ the Law Keeper became sin to free us from the law of sin and death, establishing righteousness in our hearts and minds by grace through faith.

As we draw ever closer to the Holy Week, we will find hope by meditating on the promise made and kept thousands of years ago. From Jeremiah to Jesus, from the cross to resurrection, we have full assurance of salvation and life everlasting. Let our hearts ever be humble before the cross.

 Oh Lord, how amazing is your covenant with us. Where we failed you succeeded. Help us to approach your throne of grace where we have full acceptance through the mediation of Christ. We give thanks to you for remembering our sins no more because you nailed them to the cross and left them there. With awed and grateful hearts, we pray. Amen.

 

All Dogs Go to Heaven

This evening I have to put my beloved dog, Zed, to sleep. He is in great pain and we had to make that very difficult decision. Extensive surgery may have helped, but he also very recently became lame in a back leg from severe arthritis and is hobbling painfully on three legs, groaning. A greatly enlarged nonfunctioning kidney plus the ureter would have to be surgically removed, as well as a possible malignant ear issue also requiring surgery that we just can't put him through.  

We brought him home from the vet for his last night with us and kept giving him medication to help ease his pain so we could prepare our hearts to say a final goodbye. But how difficult it is to once again outlive a dearly loved pet. I know this will happen, yet I continually bring dogs home and fall in love with them only to once again face another heartbreak.

I still cry over all my dogs if I allow my mind to dwell on them too long. Fond memories eventually end with the final memory of having to bravely say, "Good boy. I love you. You are such a good dog" while fighting raging emotions so your pet's final moments are not picking up on your feelings. That is the most difficult part. I've only had one dog die peacefully in their sleep. All the rest have had to be put down for merciful reasons. 

Zed was an SPCA dog adoption. All my pets have been adopted or just found wandering with no one stepping forward to claim them after seeking the owner. When we finally decided to get another dog after the last one, I got online and began looking at local shelter listings. I read about one that sounded like a possibility and we went to meet him. He came out growling at people, including us. Nope, not a good fit. But they suggested we go through the kennel to see if there was another dog we might want, so we strolled through.

It seemed every dog was hyper, jumping up and down and barking. We saw some that were really cute, but too high energy. As we kept looking we came to one who was just sitting there, looking up at us. He was a large hound mix. We paused then kept moving. A few feet on we turned around and went back. It was the face, the big brown sad eyes that reeled us in. They took him out of the kennel and he perked up but didn't jump and bark. He was just wagging his tail furiously and licking our hands like he knew he was coming home with us. 

I noticed immediately he was a shedder and we had recently lost a German Shepherd mix that shed terribly. I said no more shedding dogs. But it was love at first sight. I just resigned myself to the fact we'd have hair everywhere. We've only had his companionship for eight years. I want more time, but I'm not going to get it. So again, my tears are falling pretty much nonstop, except when I reach out to pet him. 

Scripture says creation was subjected to decay after the fall of Adam and Eve, but only so it will inherit eternity with us. It is groaning in labor along with us, awaiting Christ's return. I remind myself dogs were intended to live with us never to die, but disobedience brought death into the world. So I know this cycle of life and death is going to continue until Christ puts death under his feet.

I like to think all my dogs will be there to greet me when I die. I don't know that I can support it with scripture, but it comforts me to think so. I cannot help but believe God cares very much about the animals we love, if only because we love them. All my dogs have loved me unconditionally and that teaches me about God's unconditional love. Maybe that is why they are so special to humans, why we bond so deeply with them and they with us. 

You're a good dog, Zed. Good boy. I love you.

How Great the Love of God

In my last entry, I shared a brief outline of the process of a far-reaching soul search before my Savior. It started when I began a written account of my life, a memoir if you will, that I felt was at the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I had an inking at the beginning that it would unleash an emotional and spiritual upheaval, and it did. 

As I have looked back at the trajectory of my life's journey, things surfaced that had been relegated to the deep recesses of my heart and mind long ago. So many ways I had rebelled, all the time I dwelt in darkness, and so many ways I had suffered and stumbled through life without God. It has been truly painful.

Not only was I grieving over misspent years, but I was also faced with forgiving many who had harmed me greatly over the span of my life; those to whom it was exposed I needed to forgive. Some had caused me to stumble terribly in the ensuing years after their sins against me. I'm not going to recount what happened to me. It's too intensely personal. But this exploration of my life and all that has transpired has caused me to daily seek God with an intense hunger and thirst which I have not experienced in a long time as I pour out my heart to the Lord like David did on numerous occasions. 

What I have rediscovered is just how great the grace of God is that has been bestowed on me. I knew it, but not to the extent have I experienced it since coming to Jesus. And I have rediscovered how deep and how high, and the breadth and length of his love for me. And how truly amazing the love of Christ is for bearing my sins on the cross; his willingness to die for me. 

I cannot use the title of "the chief of sinners" because Paul already claimed it. But I will say I feel I am a runner-up, which makes all the greater the forgiveness of God has given to me. I have humbled myself before him and he has lifted me up as I seek him earnestly and deeply.

I feel like this work he is doing for me is leading to peace that passes all understanding as the process continues. I am a work in progress and God doesn't do things halfway. As I have looked back and see Jesus standing between my past and my present, its power over me is weakening. When I fix my eyes on him and see my reflection, I don't see a broken sinner, I see someone who is becoming more and more like him. And that is wholly by his work and his grace. 

There is an old praise song, Lord I want to be like Jesus in my heart, in my heart. Lord, I want to be like Jesus in my heart. That is my heart's song. That is my fervent prayer. And it's one he is answering. 

First Love

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him, and kissed him. The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.' "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fatted calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'"

 Luke 15:11-24, the parable of the lost son is probably the greatest parable of all the ones Jesus told. At least it is in my estimation. If all who claim the title of Christian searched their souls and contemplated their past before embracing Jesus for the first time or from a backslidden state, they would be deeply humbled again at what the Lord has done for them. I have had a time of looking back and as a result, have relived much pain. The tears have fallen and I have struggled in anguish of soul. 

I'm not saying we should do this exercise routinely, because we are forgiven. But God calls us to love him fervently with all our hearts, souls, mind, and strength. In Revelation 2 he praised the church at Ephesus except in one area: They had lost their first love. As I read those passages in Revelation, I felt the pricking of my heart that my first love has waned. 

Yes, I still love the Lord, but I have lost the wildly passionate love I had after I was freed from the bondage of sin. So God has had me revisit my past. And the turmoil has been deep. I do not believe this process I am going through will be in vain. Like the lost son, God runs to embrace me afresh. My first love will return, and soon, by the amazing grace of God.

So I pray:

What can I possibly say to you, Lord, except, I love you. You waited for me and when the time was ready and I was starving and near death from my sinful and wasted life, you came running to me and did what the father did in the parable of the lost son. How can I possibly thank you enough? Only by giving you my heart, loving you with all my heart, my soul, my mind, and my strength.

You rescued me. I was not worthy. I’m still not worthy, yet by your death on the cross and resurrection you have made me worthy. Not because of anything I could have possibly done to earn it, but because of your great, immense, boundless love shown in the overflowing grace you’ve given me. Lord, have mercy and grant that my first love would be rekindled.

I was trapped in a miry pit. You sought me and saved me from it. All I did was ask you to take me and without hesitation, you took me back. This parable applies to all who have come to you from afar and by your mercy have come to realize how badly they need you. You do not slam the door in their faces. You do not berate. You do not make them lesser to have only the minimum. You exuberantly shower them with the best to make them as you intended them to be, like Christ.

Oh Lord God of all creation, you are merciful and mighty. Blessed be your Name for all eternity, for you alone are worthy of all honor, glory, and power. I will worship you throughout time and forever. Amen.

God's Presence

 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  Psalm 34:17-18 NIV

All of Psalm 34 is a source of great comfort. David wrote it after he feigned madness before Abimelek who believed it and sent him away to freedom. David wrote praises to the Lord, but in the midst, he included verses 17-18. They mirror the verses from Isaiah that say a dimly burning wick he will not extinguish, nor break a bruised reed. 

I can think of many times my heart has been broken and the fire within me become just a tiny flame. Yet our merciful God does not cast me aside. How many times has your heart been broken? When has your flaming fervor been tamped down by circumstances that weary? Take heart, when those times happen, God does not abandon you. He doesn't get frustrated with you, nor angry. He has felt that way himself, through Jesus who spent years in the likeness of a human. And scripture says he is the perfect priest to intercede for us because he knows our frailties intimately. 

When I have (and still can in the future) felt like I'm wandering in the wilderness, God reminds me Jesus did as well. I'm also reminded he was sorely tempted afterward. Have you ever been tempted during times of weakness? Tempted to think God is nowhere near you? Jesus won his trial by simply speaking the written word of God. I'm guessing here, but he might not have had a deep feeling of God during that time. He may have had to draw upon his knowledge of Hebrew scripture. It says afterward the angels came and ministered to him.

Maybe Jesus didn't feel God at that moment, but he didn't doubt his Father was there. He believed the word in his mind and with that, his heart took hope that God's word will not fail. It will never fail. 

If you are in the wilderness, if you are being tempted, remember God is truly near whether or not you feel his presence. The promise he will not abandon you is utterly true. Hold onto that and soon your Savior will make himself present to you once again. 

Little by Little

Deuteronomy 6:22-23

 The Lord your God will drive out those nations before you, little by little. You will not be allowed to eliminate them all at once, or the wild animals will multiply around you. But the Lord, your God will deliver them over to you, throwing them into great confusion until they are destroyed. 

The setting of these two verses in Deuteronomy is at the point where the Israelites are poised to enter the promised land. Moses is giving them the final instructions he received from the Lord. He reminds them of the Ten Commandments and recounts the true story of the deliverance God engineered to free them from Egyptian slavery. They needed the reminder because these were the children of the adults who were not allowed to enter because of their great disobedience. 

The Israelites who died out in the wilderness wandering didn't believe God would fight for them to gain the promised land. They continually disregarded God's miraculous overthrowing of the Egyptians which set them free from bondage. They simply would not believe what God had promised he would do for them and as a result, they would not be able to enter.

This morning as I read the two chapters surrounding this passage, I sensed God telling me how these verses apply to us thousands of years later. I saw how it applied to me, but it's for all believers. 

I believe most people who are born again experience an awakening in their minds and hearts. There is a dynamic shift in outlook and gained faith in their salvation by God's grace. In other words, there is usually a response of both great joy and peace when we accept Christ into our hearts. It is palpable. Not everyone does. Some come to a gradual recognition they are saved, but they know with certainty salvation is theirs. 

I know my moment of accepting Jesus as my Savior was an amazing event that brought not only relief but freedom from bondages that had ruled over me. I cried as I felt the chains fall away from me. Yet, no one is immediately made perfect. We are given salvation that is as certain as God's word is. We are given the Holy Spirit to transform us into Christlikeness. But who among us can claim total victory over all the flesh? Who among us can claim to have never sinned again? I can't. I John says if we say we have no sin, we make God out to be a liar. I don't know about you, but I'm not calling God a liar. Yet scripture also promises if we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive them throughout our days on earth, because we will never be completely perfect until we see Jesus face-to-face. 

So how does Deuteronomy apply? I fall into the trap of feeling shame every time I miss the mark. I feel I've let the Lord down; that I shouldn't ever stumble. Then I get anxious in prayer, doubting whether God is transforming me, or he's simply not doing it fast enough. I want the broken places fixed now. Today. In others words, I want to be victorious all the time. But even the heroes of hall of faith fame were not perfect. Not in their lives on earth.

God said he would give victory little by little. My besetting sins, my wrongful attitudes, my lack of giving his love toward the difficult people I encounter, and if I am totally honest, my frustration with God over his timetable, are not going to be changed overnight. The mountaintop salvation experience leads to a long journey of gradual transformation. We simply are not going to be totally Christlike the moment we are saved. That would render us independent from God for the rest of our lives, just like Adam and Eve tried with disastrous results.

In my current unfinished broken condition, I need God. Just like the old hymn, I need Thee, O I need Thee, every hour I need Thee. God created us to be dependent on him. And I believe that will be the case throughout eternity. He never wants us to be independent of him. That is a lesson that takes a lifetime to learn. 

Little by little, we will gain victories. Little by little, we will recognize and overcome the traps our enemy lays for us. Little by little, we will become like Jesus. 

Zechariah 4:10 says do not to despise small beginnings. God reveals only what we need to know on a need-to-know basis. Do not be anxious about your imperfections. God is not through with you. The Word promises when Jesus returns, we shall see him as he is, and we will be like him. God's promise. So hold onto his grace and do not forget what he has already done for you, for little by little you will be ready to face him.