How Great the Love of God

In my last entry, I shared a brief outline of the process of a far-reaching soul search before my Savior. It started when I began a written account of my life, a memoir if you will, that I felt was at the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I had an inking at the beginning that it would unleash an emotional and spiritual upheaval, and it did. 

As I have looked back at the trajectory of my life's journey, things surfaced that had been relegated to the deep recesses of my heart and mind long ago. So many ways I had rebelled, all the time I dwelt in darkness, and so many ways I had suffered and stumbled through life without God. It has been truly painful.

Not only was I grieving over misspent years, but I was also faced with forgiving many who had harmed me greatly over the span of my life; those to whom it was exposed I needed to forgive. Some had caused me to stumble terribly in the ensuing years after their sins against me. I'm not going to recount what happened to me. It's too intensely personal. But this exploration of my life and all that has transpired has caused me to daily seek God with an intense hunger and thirst which I have not experienced in a long time as I pour out my heart to the Lord like David did on numerous occasions. 

What I have rediscovered is just how great the grace of God is that has been bestowed on me. I knew it, but not to the extent have I experienced it since coming to Jesus. And I have rediscovered how deep and how high, and the breadth and length of his love for me. And how truly amazing the love of Christ is for bearing my sins on the cross; his willingness to die for me. 

I cannot use the title of "the chief of sinners" because Paul already claimed it. But I will say I feel I am a runner-up, which makes all the greater the forgiveness of God has given to me. I have humbled myself before him and he has lifted me up as I seek him earnestly and deeply.

I feel like this work he is doing for me is leading to peace that passes all understanding as the process continues. I am a work in progress and God doesn't do things halfway. As I have looked back and see Jesus standing between my past and my present, its power over me is weakening. When I fix my eyes on him and see my reflection, I don't see a broken sinner, I see someone who is becoming more and more like him. And that is wholly by his work and his grace. 

There is an old praise song, Lord I want to be like Jesus in my heart, in my heart. Lord, I want to be like Jesus in my heart. That is my heart's song. That is my fervent prayer. And it's one he is answering.